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What should I do tonight
(or this weekend)? Watch TV, sit at the computer? Or is something else whispering to my soul? by Maria Shea As the sun was beginning its glorious sink into the night sky on a warm, early summer evening last week, my partner and I decided to take a short motorcycle ride through the back country Wisconsin roads where we live. We stopped at a quaint tavern that we had never spotted before, nestled deep between the bubbling of Rush River, and the steep rock-edged bluffs of the countryside. A friendly female bartender was happy to see her only customers of the evening and we fell into easy conversation. She told us of the 70-year history of the place, and how the 82-year-old widower and founder of the establishment still lived next door and often comes over to have a cocktail and play the video games! Soon, another couple meandered in, also wandering the countryside on this quiet Tuesday evening. The five of us connected in that moment in time -- telling stories, laughing, and even exchanging e-mail addresses! Later at home, my partner said to me, "It was as though I recognized those people, even though we had never met before. Like we all knew each other at a soul-level -- that we came from the same place." This made me think about the ideas of connection and community in a more expansive way, that our "neighborhood" extends for many miles -- in fact, throughout the planet, and even throughout time. As a psychotherapist, I often do "subpersonality" work with clients. This is when they are able to discover the many different parts of themselves. For example, the "Guru" self may battle with the "Couch Potato" self in deciding what to do in any particular moment. Maybe a part of you wants to go to the art gallery, the theater, plan a picnic with your family, volunteer at a school or shelter, or take that belly-dancing class or Yoga class you've heard about. But often, especially after a long day or week, you simply don't have the energy or motivation to do the things your soul whispers to you. Perhaps you begin to busy yourself with the never-ending "to do" list of household chores? I love the quote by Rose Macaulay, "At the worst, a house unkept cannot be so distressing as a life unlived." Maria Harris writes about the discovery of community in her book, Dance of Spirit. She writes, "Our experience as we begin to discover ourselves is often a solitary spiraling down into a deep well. But when we touch bottom, the experience turns out to be that the waters of life and spirit underneath each of our own wells are common waters where all that has divided us begins to merge. In the merging, we discover the impulse toward community." Harris also advises women to examine their unique process with connection and community. "It is usually true," she writes, "that for both sexes the primary caretaker in the first years of life is female. Daughters more than sons tend to experience themselves as more like, and more continuous, with this primary other who reflects themselves. ("A son is a son till he takes a wife, but a daughter's a daughter the whole of his life," goes the folk saying.) The result is that women come to understand themselves as connected, related and autonomous. Men, in contrast, know themselves as they withdraw and become separate. For them, intimacy and attachment are (often) threats. Asked whether to steal a drug from a druggist to save his dying wife, men will typically say, "Yes, he should steal it, because saving a life is a higher principal than private ownership." A woman will typically say, "Why doesn't he just sit down with the druggist and explain the situation?" We are not only ourselves, we are our relations, and the more related we are, the better. We find connections and community to be healing the brokenness of the world. Mysticism, the spiritual conviction found in all religions, holds that everyone and everything is related to everything and everyone else, that we are all sisters and brothers to one another, regardless of races, religions and nationalities. It should also be noted that our connections expand to include our entire living planet, Earth. If we remind ourselves of the Native American saying, "We did not inherit the Earth from our forebearers, we are borrowing it from our children," we remind ourselves we and the Earth are destined to live in community together. Do you find yourself falling into your same routine of settling into your chair or couch to watch TV or read a book, or be on the computer? These can be wonderful retreats, but do they stop you from seeking the other parts of yourself that secretly yearn to connect to the community at a deeper level? By not listening to the part of ourselves that wants to connect with others in our communities, we may end up feeling depressed or anxious. We can often feel "lost" or lonely (even within our own families) when we don't pay attention to all of our voices. Clients I've worked with often feel a deeper happiness and sense of fulfillment when they are able to set goals and achieve them versus thinking, "Some day I'll do that thing I've always wanted to." Their goals are often about connecting with others. When we connect with others, whether it's through hosting a dinner party, joining a club, taking a Spanish class, visiting an ailing neighbor, meeting strangers at a tavern or whatever your soul is whispering -- we connect to a deeper part of ourselves. We see ourselves in others and realize that we are not alone in our life searchings, dreams and wonderings. We laugh, sometimes we cry -- but we find Kindred Spirits in one another. Connections are formed and sometimes planning can happen that produces significant positive changes in the community around us. By learning to see and "connect" the different parts of our individual selves, we can learn to nourish relationships with others, relationships with our larger community, and ultimately with the world around us. Maria Kay Shea, M.A., L.P.C., is a Transpersonal Psychotherapist in private practice in Hudson, Wisc. She assists clients in their life journey and helping them discover Who They Really Are. She can be reached at (715) 505-7268, mariakay@svtel.net, or http://hudsonhealing.tripod.com Copyright © 2005 Maria Kay Shea. All rights reserved. |
