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Transcendance
by Lisa Goehring
Six months ago I could not have told you a thing or two about transcending. Transcendence
is rising above one's experience, surpassing others beyond human knowledge and moving
into a higher level of consciousness. These are words Webster uses to describe a
state of awareness. When this happened to me, I experienced a heightened state of
acceptance towards the people in my life.
The path of inner-awareness began calling me as a teenager. I was interested in yoga
and spirituality, however I was non-practicing to all of it. At 22 years old and
holding an infant of my own, the call became prevalent. I went to my first yoga class.
Slowly, this began the journey on my spiritual path.
A year and a half before my first yoga class, I ended an important relationship.
This relationship was lacking responsibility from the other party in more than one
area of life, so I painfully let him go. One month later, I met a man who possessed
the missing qualities from my previous relationship. I guess you call this rebounding!
So basically I ended one destructive relationship and entered another for the wrong
reasons.
Two months after meeting the second man, I learned we created a life inside my body.
What!? My world view swiftly shifted without my awareness, as situations do to so
many of us. I went from one problem to another. All I was capable of dealing with
was taking care of me and of this developing baby inside my body.
In my mind, I had successfully created a story. This baby and I were going to live
together happily. All we would need is each other and I could raise a child without
sweating. I made decisions based on this story. This story was not real, merely visions
I created out of my own naïveté.
Within one month I wanted to end it -- the relationship with my baby's father. Making
phone calls and attempts to help me, he could only imagine of the life we created
together. I pushed him far away from me physically and emotionally.
Above my wants, if he wanted a relationship with his son he had a right. Like other
people in my life, I figured this was a mom's world. I was in total denial that he
could just step into the picture without my permission. When I refuted his attempts
to even love his child, he contacted a lawyer.
I was still in defiance, and for four years there existed an internal struggle with
the reality that my baby had a father who wanted to love him. We met with lawyers,
psychologists, a mediator and one day even a judge. The fight continued through all
of it. He saw his son and they were developing a beautiful relationship -- with or
without my involvement. Our son continued to grow. I wanted to teach him to love,
communicate and accept people in every way. I was doing this hypocritically, because
how could I teach him to love someone when I couldn't love or accept his own father?
How many of us live and teach our children this way?
A friend of mine set me up with a life-coach. This was a recent blessing that began
in January. This life-coach of mine began guiding me into my inner self. She showed
me that my reactions were my own. I began learning how to delve deep into my own
psyche.
My eyes opened up real big. The love I harbored for myself was conditional. I loved
this part of my body, but not that part. I loved how I could be thoughtful towards
others, yet I had difficulty accepting gifts from them. I only liked myself when
people were having fun with me. This is self-destructive. Then I noticed how I was
projecting my conditional love towards the people in my life, even towards my son
in most situations when he was just being a child. Recognizing this pattern shook
a demon out of me. It scared me to know the power behind my self-vision: It is everything.
For me the beginning of transcending involved loving myself unconditionally. When
I began to honestly love myself, healthy changes in my perspective happened. How
did I know I was even transcending? It was with hindsight and the help of a friend
that I realized what was happening. I started seeing each person as unique and each
relationship a gift to me and themselves. I was the only one responsible for anything
I thought or felt! I could no longer blame any anger towards my baby's father on
his actions, because that anger was my own.
Identifying this was astounding, and I began to see in every interaction my own healthy
and unhealthy responses. Life will hand us challenges. Allow yourself unconditional
love. Love your smile, your hair, your laugh and your toes. Love every single thing
about yourself. Also, begin to understand that you are not your thoughts. A thought
is just that -- a thought. The truth is not in the stories you make-up. The truth
is the love you have for yourself.
Now I am sincere to my son by living the truths I am teaching him. A desire to know
my child's father is growing inside me! I am looking forward to building an honest
friendship with him. Realizing that he is a gift to my son makes him precious to
me. This all began by allowing me to love who I am inside and out -- unconditionally.
Lisa Goehring worked for six years in hospital settings as a radiologic technologist.
She is now studying yoga and meditation through the Yoga Center of Minneapolis. She
has a passion for human anatomy, our energy fields, natural health and healing. Contact
her by e-mail at lisagring@hotmail.com
Copyright © 2005 Lisa Goehring. All rights reserved. |
| May 2005 |
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