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We do need others!
by Brenda Schaeffer
If you recognize symptoms of love addiction or unhealthy dependency in yourself or
your relationship, you aren't alone. In our struggle to end our sense of isolation,
pain and irrelevancy, we often find ourselves snared in a web of needfullness.
Lets face it. An ideal relationship is something we are always working towards.
We do need other people. We need to love and to share love in order to bloom to our
fullest. We are the most highly evolved species on the planet. We continue to evolve.
In our evolution, the awareness that we are linked with other people in a very profound
way is developing. Each individual's uniqueness contributes to the greater whole
of humanity. Life is all about relationship!
Our scientists have discovered the atom and its component parts. They now strive
to categorize the substance which causes the particles of the atom to adhere together.
Some teachers of physics suggest that love is also a tangible force, a power. This
concept views love as a power as real as electricity, a divine mortar that cements
the universe together -- an electromagnetic force that draws the particles of the
atoms together and takes form.
It makes sense to know more about how we love -- whether it is a dependent love aimed
at ego enhancement and need fulfillment, or a mature love that has evolved over time
and supports life. True love's characteristics are the opposites of those that characterize
addictive relationships.
The Characteristics of Healthy Love
People in healthy relationships have the following characteristics:
´ They allow for individuality.
´ They experience both oneness with and separateness from another.
´ They bring out the best qualities in self and another.
´ They accept endings.
´ They experience openness to change and exploration.
´ They invite growth in the other person.
´ They experience true intimacy.
´ They feel the freedom to ask honestly for what is wanted.
´ They experience giving and receiving in the same way.
´ They do not attempt to change or control the other.
´ They encourage self-sufficiency of partners.
´ They do not seek unconditional love.
´ They accept and respect commitment.
´ They trust the memory of the beloved; they enjoy solitude.
´ They express feelings spontaneously.
´ They welcome closeness; risk vulnerability.
´ They care with detachment.
´ They affirm equality and personal power of self and other.
Copyright © Brenda Schaeffer. All rights reserved. |
| February 2005 |
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