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The Power of Saying
Thank You
by Cristina M.R. Norcross
There is a current ad on television that shows various people in situations with
a loved one or friend where they've made an inadvertent, insulting remark. The solution
in each case is to simply say "Thank You." It is a short and sweet response
that becomes an invitation for forgiveness and a hug. It is a kind of relationship
absolution, like Catholic confession, only this isn't a commercial for strengthening
one's relationship with a spiritual partner; it is an ad for earning bonus miles
and spending rewards from a credit card company.
It does make you think about how beneficial it is to provide verbal rewards to a
spouse, partner or friend for every day kindnesses. By acknowledging your partner
for a job well done, maybe for something as small as unloading the dishwasher, changing
a dirty diaper unprompted or paying the bills on time that week, we are showing that
we appreciate one another. The seeds of resentment don't have a chance to grow, and
instead we relate to one another in a nourishing way that strengthens emotional bonds.
The invisible lines of energy that connect us to one another as spiritual beings
need to be maintained. Without this mutual nurturing, it is easy to judge and blame,
causing distance in a relationship.
My husband and I recently had our first baby, a little boy named Christopher, who
is now 16 months old. There has been a distinct shift in our personal universe as
a couple. Our weekends now begin each morning at 5:30 a.m. instead of a leisurely
9 a.m. over coffee, eggs and the Sunday paper. Dinner out at our favourite bistro
has become a frantic rush to prepare sliced chicken on a salad while feeding one
inch squares of American cheese and diced string beans to a disinterested toddler
banging an orange plastic spoon on his tray. Seeing a film at our local arts cinema
has become briefly considering watching a pay-per-view movie on TV after the baby
finally goes to sleep at 8:45 p.m., only to find we're both falling asleep on the
couch in a haze of new-parent exhaustion.
I am told that these are all the telling signs of a couple that has welcomed the
addition of a third person into their lives. With this new member of the family,
who seems to have a perpetual list of needs, comes the challenge of learning to nurture
both ourselves as individuals and invest time in each other as a couple. We strive
to be both caring, attentive parents and fulfilled human beings who still enjoy spending
time together.
This is indeed a challenge, and there are times when certain balls in the air get
more attention than others. We have found that like the TV ad, simply saying "Thank
You" to each other -- every day -- makes a difference. It is what causes us
to take a breath, to be thankful for the other person and what they do for the family.
When I say "Thank You" to my husband for emptying the garbage can in the
kitchen that always holds onto the plastic bag for dear life, causing the person
to groan and strain from the effort, I know that he'll do that again in the future.
When my husband says, "Thank you for taking care of our son all week. Why don't
you go out on your own to write?" It makes me feel like I am not living in a
vacuum of mommy martyrdom. When I thank my husband for changing his flight reservations
home from work so that he can spend a few extra hours with me and the baby, it lets
him know that we value his company and genuinely want to spend time with him. How
will we know our spouses appreciate us, if we don't verbalize it to one another?
It is this energy exchange of thankfulness and consideration that enables us to move
forward with our every day activities with pride. It is always meaningful to have
someone acknowledge your hard work. There are no report cards or employee reviews
for spouses and parents. If we want recognition, we need to give it and then share
our thoughts with those we love. If positive reinforcement encourages helpful behavior,
then why not stop to thank your partner for the special and thoughtful things they
do at the top of the hour like the headline news? There is great power in saying
"Thank You" and many rewards. It is simply good couple Karma.
Cristina M.R. Norcross is a poet and writer who lives in Dover, N.H. Contact her
at Bookndz@yahoo.com
Copyright © 2005 Cristina M.R. Norcross. All rights reserved.
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| February 2005 |
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