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Getting in Touch: Massage for
Couples
by Charlene Torchia and John Huffaker
Couples have plenty to do these days: raise kids, work a job or two, maintain a home,
visit family and friends, and then, if there's any time left over, spend some time
together. Clearly, the demands of life are hard on couples, with "just surviving"
often taking center stage. While this may functionally work for a time, a couple
will eventually run out of steam if regular preventive maintenance is not performed
on their relationship. Finding time to experience pleasurable contact with one another
is a crucial building block for an intimate partnership.
Couples massage is one potent form of nourishing a committed relationship. For couples,
non-sexual touch is often a mysterious, somewhat negative concept. Many women and
men have experienced forms of touch that have injured them sexually and/or physically.
Rarely do people report first-hand early experiences with healthy touch.
Couples massage requires patience, kindness, sensitivity and a willingness to give
(and receive). While most of us have learned about the value or desire for sexual
touch, few have been introduced to the kind of touch experienced during a therapeutic
massage, especially from someone who is an intimate partner.
Setting aside time and space to share therapeutic touch is an experience that provides
pleasure, healing, relaxation, as well as a chance for the body to let down and rest.
One way to learn about couples massage is to take a class in which the instructor
demonstrates techniques, while the students simultaneously practice on their partners.
A variety of classes are taught locally and around the country. Some involve working
with massage tables and oils, while others are taught seated and clothed.
Other options for learning are instructive books and video classes. Receiving massage
from one another is a way to develop appreciation for healing touch and to discover
the variety of techniques available.
Before getting started with couples massage, it is helpful to learn about some of
the common issues that can arise when one person touches another.
Often we automatically give the kind of massage that we like best to receive, as
we figure our partner will want what we want. This assumption is frequently incorrect.
While one partner may like deep and intense touch, the other may prefer gentle and
nurturing. Thus, good communication between giver and receiver is vital. This can
be challenging to many couples that tend to avoid conflict. Learning how to say what
is desired, while not attempting to control the whole experience, is a valuable lesson
to learn, one that can transfer to other aspects of the relationship.
Proper body mechanics and comfort for the giver are essential for a satisfying massage
experience. If the giver is not comfortable, he or she will have little endurance,
and even less desire, to have a repeat performance. While working with a massage
table is the most effective massage prop, in its absence other things will do. Sometimes
the giver may wish to be seated, instead of giving the massage by standing behind
their seated partner.
Neck and shoulder massage, more commonly known as "the neck rub," is a
good place for couples to start learning. Start off by gently massaging the tops
of the shoulders, gradually increasing the pressure using your whole hand. Working
your way up to the neck, gently massage along either side of the spine. The person
receiving lets the giver know whether more or less pressure is desired. Full, deep
breathing will enhance relaxation for both individuals. If and when knots are discovered,
the giver will bring additional attention to those tight spots. The receiver may
be instructed to "breathe into the area" to soften it further.
Once the "ice is broken" by softening the shoulders, the massage can proceed
to other areas, like the head, back, hands and feet. Again, it is very helpful to
have guidance in the form of a book, video, or, preferably, a personal instructor.
Many people are reluctant to be worked on, fearing they will be hurt, and are reassured
when a knowledgeable professional is present. Similarly, people giving a massage
are often apprehensive about their lack of training in proper technique, and this
anxiety is communicated during the massage. Some early reassurance and encouragement
from a teacher goes a long way.
Once receiving instruction in some form, making regular time for massage is crucial.
Schedule a "date" time for couples massage, but don't take turns working
on each other in the same time period. It is more relaxing and enjoyable for the
receiver to just receive and not be concerned about giving. Schedule time to switch
roles another time.
While initial resistance to adding something new to a relationship is normal, the
ample benefits derived from couples massage are a strong argument for taking up the
challenge. Go on, give it to yourself!
Charlene Torchia, C.M.T., Certified Massage Therapist, and John Huffaker, M.A.,
Licensed Psychologist, are married and having been teaching couples massage for more
than 12 years. Find their couples massage course offerings on their website at www.journeyin.com
or by calling them in Minneapolis at (612) 377-1568.
Copyright © 2004 Charlene Torchia & John Huffaker, all rights reserved.a |
| Dec 2004 |
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