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A Letter to you about Life and
Living
by Crystal Skaj
Hello friend:
This letter that I am sharing with you is one that has been in the making for some
time now. It has just been waiting for me to find the courage to stick it in an envelope
and send it off. I'll warn you that this all may seem a little unconventional.
This all started as a project for myself.
Generally, I would say that I am a pretty optimistic person. But for a while I had
this feeling. Truthfully, it seemed as if I was walking around in my own private
living hell. I would turn on the television, and would be bombarded with images and
stories of war, poverty and loss. I would speak to friends, and they would tell me
of all their troubles and terrible experiences. On top of that, I daily encountered
rude, selfish and manipulating people in my community.
It was all making me so angry.
One day, I had the realization that I wasn't thinking anymore of the places I enjoy
or the people that I care to be around. It was like a splash of water in the face.
I was so consumed with negative thoughts, about where I was and the people I had
to deal with, that I wasn't looking for the things that used to bring joy to my life.
So, I sat down at a computer and decided that I would write a list of all the pleasant
experiences and memories that I have right now. Every few nights, I would think of
something that would be worthy of being written down, and I would explore it. The
figures don't exactly add up, but I have been at this for about six months now.
More recently, I had this compulsion to show the people I care about the things that
are written on the next few pages. Out of fear, I have only shared these feelings,
memories and insights before with a select few. But I don't want to be frightened
of what others will think of me. I want you to know me. Know some of what I can feel.
We don't share with each other anymore the small pleasures and seemingly insignificant
joys we experience. Instead, we call one another on the phone to tell of inconvenient
happenings or unexpected sorrows. While those can be important to talk about, it
does not have to be all that's said. What about sharing those things that may not
be profound to others, but would mean a lot for you to show?
I have this fear that I will go through this seemingly long, yet realistically short
existence of mine, acting and feeling ungrateful towards others.
I want you to know that I am not unhappy, or ungrateful for my experiences.
My friend, I want to share with you some of the most important things that make this
life of mine worth living. I hope that one day you will too look, explore, and share
with another, the goodness that is in your life.
Thank you for taking the time, and trying to understand. This means so much to me.
What makes life worth living?
...I think life is worth living when you meet that one truly genuine person that
you thought never really existed.
...To feel the pain of emotion. Indifference can only be played for so long. One
must eventually find care.
...The kiss of a light breeze right when you thought it forgot you.
...Hearing a bitter-sweet song that touches and speaks to you so deeply, you cannot
help but release the tears you have held back for this long, because you see, you're
finally understood.
...Life is worth living after you stop regretting and fearing love, but look for
it in all the people around you.
...Catching a rainbow trying to hide behind a curtain of dark cloud.
...For the sound that rings in your chest when you hear someone else's truth. The
experience of it will always inspire you to find yours.
...Life is worth living during late night, candle lit, open-windowed thunderstorms,
accompanied by sickeningly mournful music and pleasant company willing to hold your
hand.
....When you recognize a moment of true happiness. One where you wouldn't mind leaving
everyone right now, for you would have the satisfaction of knowing you went when
your spirit was the lightest.
...The feel of goose bumps racing up your arms as you first pull back your sheet
to greet a winter's morning.
...When you find comfort in holding a stranger's hand. Sensing that he sees much
more than he is willing to tell, you believe him when he shares with you the one
answer that ultimately solves all the questions, and quells all the doubts that you
have had for so long.
...Life is worth living while you glide beneath clear, cool water on a hot summer's
day. The way that, when reaching the surface your lungs burst to take in a new breath.
...Finding pride and the rebellious nature to do exactly what someone claims you
cannot. Learn to believe in others, because they will never cease to astound you.
...Having the ability to test your determination and perseverance until you collapse
in exhaustion for the satisfaction of knowing it can be done.
...When one day, in the shower and sobbing from joy, you come to realize your purpose
is not what you first thought. There is something higher at work, and you the one
person perfect for the task.
...Life is worth living for the unexpected softness of a bud on the branch of a Pussy
Willow.
...When you finally figure that you get into more trouble when you tell the truth,
as opposed to when you lie. Be proud of your integrity; that thing that chokes you
before you get the chance to be dishonest. And be especially proud when you don't
just swallow it and continue on regardless.
...For the tears spilled over a broken heart. Trying your hardest to catch them in
a bottle, you can later show the world that you had a heart to break.
...Life is worth living as you walk beneath a darkened and heavy sky, pregnant with
the glowing moon.
...When you stop living what people expect of you, and have the courage to treat
yourself to experiencing the life you've always known you should.
...With the sense of rebirth and completeness after your first tattoo. By giving
yourself a permanent reminder of who you really are, you will never have to doubt
yourself for very long.
...The splendor and pride you can sense calling to you while walking beneath ancient
trees.
...Life is worth living for the first time you look in the mirror, and glimpse something
in your eyes that shows you are not what you see. There is a life in those eyes that
is not mirrored by the body surrounding it. So, look into the eye of others, for
they are the unguarded gateway to the soul.
...The smell of Grandfather's woodshop, and the knowledge of the wonderful creations
that are just waiting to be brought to life by strong, skillful hands.
...The moment you look out your window during a storm, and it is almost like God
itself is trying to awe you with tremendous earth-shaking waves of sound, and terrifyingly
beautiful bolts of light.
...Realizing that beauty is, and will always be, "in the eye of the beholder."
...Seeing yourself in a reflection, and thinking that you truly are someone special
-- flaws and all.
...Life is worth living for the memory of long hugs shared in a sun-lit kitchen with
your mother.
...And the one day when you had grown too tall and it was she who had to lean into
your embrace.
...For the first thunderstorm you hear in the spring that wakes you from your dreams
and births clear sky in its wake.
...With the realization that you will never be alone as long as you breathe. Being
constantly surrounded by the ones who have gone before you, and more importantly
the one promised to watch over you, you shall never feel lonely.
...For the unexpected smile given by a stranger in passing at the grocery store.
...Life is worth living for the peace you encounter while drifting quietly atop a
raft. The sun warming not only skin, but reaching beyond to soothe your very soul.
...When you can learn how to hold on, and when it's time to set free the people in
your life.
...The feel and sensation of caressing cool satin with smooth skin.
...Being able to walk out into a clear winter's day and marvel at the diamonds that
glitter atop the snow.
...Life is worth living when you find that tears once shed, have washed away the
grime from the life that you led, and emerging is a being that is better for it.
...The anticipation of your first kiss. Remembering how fast your heart raced, and
when the moment had passed, the realization and elation of having experienced one
of life's rare gifts.
...When you glimpse the precious innocence of a creature. Whether it animal or child,
you recognize that one thing you will always regret having lost.
...Finding the courage to "take a leap, and build your wings on the way down."
...Life is worth living for the memories of those seemingly silly songs that your
Grandmother would sing to you early mornings in the kitchen. Those songs, and her
singing...they were such a small pleasure then, but are truly missed now.
...When the smell of rain carried on the wind, sparks your interest for the coming
day.
...When it is finally understood that forgiveness will never come easily. Though
it should be remembered that you will get better at it with practice.
...Life is worth living to hug the elderly as if they might break. Looking into their
knowing eyes, you can leave them with a renewed sense of humor and appreciation for
mortality.
...Standing completely still, head bent over the water to count the fish that sneak
up to nibble at your toes. Accompanied by the unexpected fright you get when you
realize one those fish is a just little too close, and a little too large!
...Being able to sense and empathize with the young in spirit.
...To reach out and touch the magnificence that radiates from an Eagle flying overhead.
...For the recognition of the strongest person you have ever known. The one that
never complains of their situation, but endures with grace and dignity. The one that
also never seems to hold any bitterness, but shows compassion in all things.
...Life is worth living when you spot an animal that you know is speaking to you.
If only you knew the tools to open yourself and listen...The experience gives you
a reason to learn.
...The excitement you feel when after so long, you finally think you have found a
cause to dedicate yourself to.
...When while walking down the street, you smell a change. It is a familiar smell,
for you remember it last fall, but now it spells the coming of spring.
...For the moments when unexpectedly something reminds you of someone you cared for
dearly -- then lost. The joy, when as your pulse quickens, you remember that they
are not truly gone, for you still have a piece of them that keeps on living in your
heart.
...Life is worth living while trying desperately, but rather unsuccessfully to smother
uncontrollable laughter with a pillow. Always cherish those late night hysterics
shared with a sister!
...Most importantly, life is worth living when you finally realize that you will
never be without love. For the earth breathes it, the wind sings of it, and it can
always be found living deep within your own heart.
Crystal Skaj is a young woman who, through her own heart-felt exploration, has
realized that some of the greatest joys in life are missed unless she pays close
enough attention to fully appreciate them. In her struggle to find happiness, she
has concluded that unless she can see the goodness in her own life, she is unable
to understand the goodness in the world around her. In seeing all the beautiful moments
in her own experience, she felt compelled to share them with others. Contact her
by e-mail at csummersky@yahoo.com
Copyright © 2004 Crystal Skaj, all rights reserved. |
| Dec 2004 |
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