| Moving into Darkness by Lynn Woodland Light is an often-used metaphor for all things wise and wonderful. We "see the light," "find light at the end of a tunnel" and a "silver lining around every dark cloud." Yet, we're in a time of year when it's hard to deny the presence of darkness. Darkness, with its opposite connotations of fearfulness, depression, ignorance and death. By winter, unlike fall, at least the light increases a little each day so, while light may still seem depressingly absent, there's a hopefulness inspired by the Solstice's rebirth. So what are we to do in this deep season of fall that keeps taking us into greater and greater night? People of not so many generations back used to sleep more this time of year. Not us. We turn on the lights and carry on, adjusting our schedules very little in response to the outer world. We may do the same with our spiritual work, giving credit for all things good to the light and simply ignoring the power of dark. Of course, whatever we ignore has a way of sneaking up behind us and biting us in the butt when we're not looking. This is certainly true of those aspects of self that we don't like. The ones we keep hidden in the dark nether regions of our being because they're too painful, too shameful, too imperfect to admit to ourselves, let alone to other people. So, even though it may not inspire the cheerful exuberance of spring or summer, this is the perfect time of year to give darkness its due and, for once, stop trying to ignore or artificially light it out of existence. As a starting place, take a moment to reflect on the year that's been, the one that's following its natural course and ending in darkness. What are the stand-out "points of darkness" you experienced this year? The very worst of times, the biggest catastrophies, the deepest despair, the times you most want to forget ever happened? As you recall these moments, notice the feelings these memories evoke. We tend to suppress, ignore or medicate pain out of existence in much the same way we artificially cover darkness with light. Unfortunately, all these pain-coping methods don't make pain go away, just underground until it eventually grows too big to ignore. So instead of sending one more bit of pain to the dark, crowded storage locker of your psyche, this time simply be with it. Notice how it feels in your body. Is it a sinking feeling in your gut? An empty place in your heart? A cloud of confusion around your head? A lump in your throat? A tense, armored feeling in your muscles? A clenched feeling in your jaw or fists? A fearfulness in your bowels? Instead of turning away from these raw places, this time give them your full attention. Notice the sensation of the feeling in your body and relax into it. Stop struggling. Stop thinking, stop trying to move on or make it go away. Also let go of familiar interpretations and judgments you have around these feelings: "My sadness is bottomless. If I truly feel it, I'll just fall deeper and deeper until I drown," or "My anger is wrong. I shouldn't have it. It will hurt someone." Tell yourself instead that as you stop resisting feeling, pain stops being pain and becomes something usable, something healing, Go deeply enough into these dark parts of yourself until you feel your resistance letting go, struggle being replaced by surrender, tension turning into relaxation, fear giving way to an awareness that there is nothing to fear. Now, imagine yourself in total darkness. (Try doing this at night.) Most of us can recall middle of the night anxieties, where we lay awake in bed, in the dark, and our whole world looked dismal and dangerous in a way it seldom does during the day. The darkness to imagine now is a different one altogether (or perhaps the same, but we are different). This darkness is healing. So many of us on a spiritual path have invoked the healing power of light, but what about that of dark? Imagine darkness around you like sheltering earth around a seed. Instead of imagining light pouring into the wounded places of your soul, imagine darkness, like a mother, drawing out of you the pain, doubt, worry, resentment, confusion and fear that interfere with peace. Feel it absorbing into itself the thoughts, memories and patterns that keep you from being your true self. Let the dark take back to itself all the darkness in you so there's nothing left but light. The light that needs no artificial or external inducement. The Inner Light that has always been there. Feel yourself in this dark like a caterpillar in its cocoon, safe and sheltered while a miraculous flurry of transformation is quietly underway. Last, but not least, reflect again on those moments of darkness that have occurred in your life this year and now, instead of feeling the pain, ask them to show you their hidden blessing. How have you deepened, strengthened, changed direction, reached out to others or cared more deeply for yourself? How have you learned compassion, acceptance or forgiveness? Or gained clarity, broken down barriers, found your vulnerability, released stubbornness and ego, or allowed others to help you? How has your very definition of who you are changed? Give thanks for the power of darkness to polish, facet and bring out the natural brilliance of your heart. Consider sharing with another person the story of finding great blessing in this year's points of darkness. Let the power of your spoken word transform defeats in your personal mythology into powerful stories of resurrection. Lynn Woodland leads the Sunday Service with Lynn Woodland at Lake Harriet Spiritual Community every first Sunday at 10:30 a.m. For information on her upcoming events this month, including a special Halloween event, see her ad in this issue or see www.lynnwoodland.com. Copyright © 2004 Lynn Woodland |
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Oct 2004 |
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