| Uncommon Dialogues with
the Indwelling Lord by Kathleen Jacoby Negativity. When you see someone someone perpetually talking everything down, you feel the energy component of it, and it drags you down. What is that all about, and what can be done about it? Reflect. There is a comfort zone that is familiar to the one reflecting that condition. And it is born of lack. If we go back to original root cause, we can find that as children, these people were not given problem-solving skills. They faced crisis alone without the help from adults who could make large problems understandable, or break them down into component parts which could then be dealt with. These children began to see the world as overwhelming. They either had to sink under the weight of what was perceived as unmanageable, or put a face on it that would exonerate them from having to do something. So, the hood of victimization enters. "I can't because I don't have anyone who can help me." "I don't have the money they have. They can do it, but I can't because I'm sick. The breaks always come to "those" people. I don't have the contacts." This form of defense seeks to assign blame outside of self, and in so doing, becomes a form of safety -- a safe harbor in which to stay anchored, because the one doing it is afraid to venture forth -- and may not even know how to venture forth. If they stayed in the harbor without cover of the victimhood, they would feel a failure with no excuse for the failure. As they deflect responsibility, and therefore the necessity to take action, there is a feeling of justification. The penalty for failure is monumental in the mind of these individuals. And they hold themselves to a strict accounting, as they were most probably faced with hypercritical parents as a child. Without small victories along the way, a child does not form the willingness to fail, because there is nothing that gives the sweet taste of success to their psyche. Failure is not worth risking, because the penalty is always criticism and more criticism. By cloaking oneself as a victim of circumstance, failure is avoided in their mind. However, the greater reality is that without trying, failure is 100 percent guaranteed. The way out of this dilemma is not through the psyche, but through the heart of compassion. Self-compassion needs to be practiced on a daily basis, as well as compassion for others. The two must go hand in hand. You will often find that people who are self-critical are critical of others. Even if the self-criticism is masked or deflected, internally there is a constant bombardment of self-judgment, and with this tyrannical mind-set as the score keeper, the individual is hampered from moving ahead because there is a weak inner cheerleader. If these people can find others who will act as mentors, encouragers and sounding boards without criticizing, there may be an ability to move into another frame. However, the problem is that most of these people have developed such a strong interior focus of attracting the negative, that even if others tell them repeatedly how good they are or how good their efforts are, they will invariably focus on anything that comes in as criticism, blow those statements out of proportion, and "forget" the good that was said. People who suffer from this pattern of self-defeat need first to become aware of what they are doing. If they are willing to ask for a partner to give a signal every time they engage in a negating statement, they will be surprised at how often they forestall their own good, and with willingness, can begin to shift their reality. However, the big hurdle here is willingness to hear criticism in the form of a reminder that they are reacting negatively. If the personality is not willing to allow for change in the mental constructs they have formed, there is little that can be done on the part of those witnessing the negative process. This is why the troubled soul needs to find ways to move internally to God. And because they do not trust their internal process, they may have to find God somewhere outside where He/She/It can be trusted. Yet, in doing so, the personality will find little comfort from churches where pastors/priests/rabbis/ministers are human, because they will look for the frailty that negates the message. As Buddha said, "Do not attach yourself to my personality -- pay attention to my message and test it within yourself." The path to liberation is not idol worship. That is again giving one's power to something external to self, because the personality does not believe that everything required for salvation is housed within. And the truth is that personality does NOT have the underpinnings to uphold a greater vision on its own. It is only through the inheritance of the soul that personality can access the riches held within. How is this done? Through the heart. The heart has a mind of its own, and that still, small voice that can be heard when the mind in the head quiets, will direct the personality to ways and means of accessing greatness. This requires that the head bow to the heart. In many renderings of great teachers, saints and lords, the hand points to the heart, for it is only through the heart that true understanding can be gained. And within the heart is found the seed of compassion. Without compassion, there can be no change, for error and criticism will reign supreme until a loving response is ignited to alter the current of events. Current is an energetic flow. Negative responses set up a tone that is low in frequency and set up a resonance within the body corresponding to certain chords upon which diseases feed. When we speak of following a higher calling, we refer to a frequency in which dis-ease cannot live. And the opportunity for those who hear and respond to the higher calling, which only comes when the heart and mind are attuned in proper relationship to one another, is to travel on a frequency that harmonizes the body, setting and maintaining a tone that balances equilibrium. This requires daily bread, daily attention, daily focus. This requires willingness to bow to the heart and to listen. One cannot do that when they are running in the world with all ears and eyes focused on messages of the world that trivialize the spirit. You cannot fill your body and mind with junk and expect to have a result that is anything other than junk. It won't happen. The law of correspondence works immutably, and quality of what goes in equals quality of performance and quality of results. It is that simple. Junk in, junk out. Quality in, quality out. But each step requires an attitude of vigilance, because the critical nature is hard to quell. It has been instilled in the impressionable years when the entering soul is wide open to all stimuli in its environment. The receptors are 100 percent open, learning and taking in everything as gospel. It isn't until seven years of age that a child begins to form critical thinking and begins to identify the possibility of fraud. Until that time, they are soaking up everything that is being directed towards them as truth. So, deep subconscious patterns die hard. An individual seeking to change their mindset may even feel that they are being disloyal to something that is a deep bond within them to their family. It is not a rational feeling, but it comes from the level of comfort within the original framework. In other words, when we are making a shift from the old to the new, we have to tear down the old framework. You cannot have a new house unless you are willing to tear down the crumbling shell of the old. It will continuously hamper you. If something has become rotten, it must be replaced. To put new wood next to rotting wood will invite contamination. So the old must be replaced. And understanding this gives an idea of what being born again means. We cannot go into our new lives taking all the tapes of our old life with us. We have to create a new internal structure and housing that will allow for new messages to permeate our core. We must remove the defenses that keep us from our own greatness, and this requires willingness to become vulnerable. Vulnerability is one of the greatest strengths, because it disarms the critic. When an enemy attacks us, it is waiting for a counter-attack. When instead we agree with the criticism in principle, and are able to state our recognition of what has been stated without need to counter attack or defend ourselves, we have disarmed all hostility, for there is nothing over which to war. We have also allowed ourselves to be open to receiving information that may help us look at something differently. Whenever there is a defensive reaction, it means that something has been "hooked". If there is not a sensitive core issue, another's criticism will find no hold. When we feel defensive in the face of criticism, it is important to ask ourselves, "What am I protecting?" Generally, it is an area where we feel sensitive, self-critical or guilty. Example: "Harry, you made a mistake on this report." Harry bristles. He is unsure of himself. He feels attacked. He reacts in defense of himself, either by blaming someone else for not giving him information he needed, finding something about the person making the statement to point out as a failure, or by denying the error. This act of self-preservation is at a personality level and has caused Harry to miss a valuable opportunity to learn something about himself and to form an alliance of respect with the other individual. By moving out of personality mode and into the heart, Harry could respond in a much more dynamic way: "Gee, what did I do?" This is not said from a place of self-defeat; it is a statement of curiosity. Then he can observe what is being criticized and react appropriately. "Oh, you are right! I missed that. Thank you so much for pointing it out." This reaction is a statement in strength. The person who pointed out the error gains new or increased respect for Harry. Harry exhibits maturity in looking at what needs to be done. He can then become proactive and also take the opportunity to ask the other, "Let's see how I can get this corrected so we have minimal damage. Do you have any ideas?" This engages the other person in becoming part of the solution, sharing responsibility for finding ways to correct a problem. There is a difference between the way Harry has stated his reaction in accepting responsibility versus either defending himself or responding as a victim. A defeated individual who has a perpetual aura of "poor me" might also say, "Yeah. You're right. I screwed up again." The whole demeanor here is one of weakness. It is the opposite coin of the defensive stance. Both are born of guilt, but this reaction also has the element of unworthiness. For the onlooker, each of these reactions causes a reaction within. The defensive stance causes the onlooker to get mad. The unwillingness of Harry to accept responsibility for his mistake creates frustration and also lack of respect, because Harry does not stand behind his work. The reaction of shame in blame causes the onlooker to feel pity or disgust for Harry. Harry exhibits weakness in his reaction because there is a very poor self-image. When Harry accepts responsibility with a mature response, the transaction between the two is direct, equal, and creates a strong bond of mutual respect. There is no charge, and there is no blame. There is no shame. There was merely a mistake, which may have been due to an oversight. This example demonstrates how our perception of ourselves and others is molded by action/reaction, and why it is so important to reframe our internal monitoring system to clear out unworthy attitudes that keep us imprisoned in defensive or pitiful responses to life. Kathleen Jacoby has been involved in spiritual, scientific, and metaphysical pursuits for the past 31 years. Author of Vision of the Grail, her work can be found at www.grailvision.com Copyright © 2004 Kathleen Jacoby |
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July 2004 |
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