| A Victim No More: Living
a Life Free of Judgment The EDGE Interview with author Lori Rekowski by Tim Miejan Lori Rekowski, a mother of three and an entrepreneur for more than 18 years, also has lived with the label "victim" for many years while encountering incest, sexual assault, domestic abuse, rape, bulimia, depression, poverty, homelessness and attempted suicide. No more. Years of private healing sessions, seminars, classes, workshops, self-study, a devotion to maintaining a personal connection to God and personal relationships with people who were angels in disguise put her on the path upon which she steps now. A Victim No More is more than the title to her new book. It is her identity. Her book, available through her website www.avictimnomore.com and sold in many bookstores throughout the Twin Cities, documents her path of healing in a way that does not judge (even her abusers) and is committed to helping others shed the role of victim and embracing a new image as victor. She spoke with The EDGE about her experiences. You're a woman who has endured much pain in your life. Do you have a sense that at some point when you were young that you accepted the role of victimhood? Lori Rekowski: Absolutely. It was as if I had a contract to be born to be a victim and to carry that energy, not only for my own healing process, but to get the message out to others. I really feel that it was part of my contract, and that's why it was so exaggerated in my life compared to most people's lives. Perhaps you'll have problems in one or two areas, maybe three, because they seem to overflow into other areas and create more drama. But in my path, I have dealt personally with every major societal issue that women go through. Such as? Rekowski: Such as eating disorders, sexual assaults, incest, domestic abuse, depression, suicide attempts, from depression, obviously. They are so common in our society. As I've been talking to others about this book, I have yet to meet a person who hasn't had a family member or friend that has dealt with one of the issues that I've dealt with. Or themselves. Rekowski: Personally, or a family or friend. Exactly. And I'm sure that's why I agreed to go through this, so that I could identify one-on-one with them and speak from their viewpoint. But, the fun part is being able to now speak from a new viewpoint of being well after having gone through it, of living free of the victim consciousness. I completely understand why I chose the path of the victim. And I talk about that in the book. When I was 12, I told my pastor that I was going through what I was going through at the moment, and that I was going to go through a lot more, to help others. So I had a knowingness at a pretty young age. Would you say each person who is a victim chooses on some level to do that? Rekowski: Yes, they do and some people resist that message. They say, "Oh, I would never have chosen this" or "I would never have chosen to be born with this disability or that disability." But, as you start to awaken, there is more than enough material out there that speaks the truth, that we are co-creators of our reality and we choose our life path and we choose the lessons that we are to learn -- therefore, we place these issues into our life path. How do you define the word "victim?" Rekowski: Giving your power away to someone or something else. Having that "poor me" attitude and we all have at one point or another, at different levels. People seem to associate victimhood to the more traumatic events, such as the violent date rape that I went through, but as you heal and as you start to come into your new consciousness, you become acutely aware of how negative others really are in their speaking and how they allow themselves to be victimized. I never realized how even some of my own family members have a tendency to focus on the negative and how much they give their power away and their energy away to somebody or something else. Lving a life free of judgment is very important to releasing victim consciousness. When is a person no longer a victim? Rekowski: When you start owning your Divinity and living it daily. When you realize that you have a choice at any point in time to react to any situation that comes your way. You can choose an attitude of gratitude at any point in time. One hears about Alcoholics Anonymous members talking about living one day at a time, but ultimately everything we do is based on one present moment at a time. In each moment you can choose to accept victimhood or to be a victimizer, or to judge somebody. Rekowski: Or to be the rescuer. Or to be the rescuer. Rekowski: My next two books are about the victimizer and the rescuer, so people can identify that they carry that in them as a victim, too, that we're a combination of all three of those. And, being a rescuer really is being a victim, because you're enabling somebody else and you're taking the intention off of yourself. You're not letting them grow and learn their lessons. Why do some people remain in victimhood for a long time, or I would say, even for lifetime after lifetime? Rekowski: Because they really don't understand what unconditional love is and how important it is to unconditionally love yourself. The reason I chose the subtitle "Living a Life Free of Judgment" is because lifetime after lifetime after lifetime, perhaps we are so close to when we had our life reviews between lives that we continue to judge ourselves. I mention in the book when I asked my son what would this world be like without judgment and he said, "Oh, it would be like Heaven." I think the key to releasing victim consciousness on our planet is to live free of judgment -- judging yourself and judging others. People do not accept their responsibility and they judge themselves and others. The three components to being a victim no more are releasing judgment, forgiving yourself, forgiving others, and keeping that attitude of gratitude. Why did you write A Victim No More? Rekowski: We will continue to have victimhood until we understand that we are God also, that Divinity is within and has never left us, that we don't have to take that power away from other people or other things, that we can forgive ourselves and not judge ourselves and love ourselves unconditionally. It's not going to start changing on this planet as a whole until we understand that, one person at a time. So, the reason I wrote it, first, was because it helped me to heal and organize all my thoughts and all the years of research that I did for this. Second, if you unconditionally love yourself, you automatically understand the truth that we're all one. Of course we want to help others. Of course we want to help heal the victim consciousness. But what I had to remind myself is that it starts with me. I'm not here to save the world. God can do it in its totality. That means the more of us who join in, one person at a time releasing victim consciousness, the faster our planet's going to heal. I sense a connection you make in your book that compares a victim becoming an empowered individual to humanity's collective shift from darkness to the light. Speak about that a little bit. Rekowski: That thread of truth runs through every single thing that we seek. If you're out there seeking to awaken and to find peace, joy and happiness, that truism is right there and we have to own that. We have lightness and darkness. It's the opposites that help us to evolve. Be grateful for that and do not judge it. It's such an important component for us to create a new habit of not judging ourselves and others. How do we do that? Judging things is such an ingrained habit. The media reinforces that every single day. Rekowski: Yes it does -- and you know what I've done? I've detached myself from it. I purposely took time off of watching it. I don't watch the news any more. If there is a big event that occurs on our planet or in America, I hear about it. I hear about it through friends and family. They ask, "Oh, did you hear about this?" I did whatever it took to heal. You have to have that burning desire to be God-like to accomplish this -- and that's why you need to look at A Victim No More as a whole of all the different tools it offers. It's information people can use. One exercise is to have that burning desire to be God-like. As a consciousness on this planet, we need that. It means to unconditionally love ourselves and others. When I start getting into a negative mindset, I flip the switch and I start thinking about something positive. The book, Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting, really taught me how to do that. I didn't just read it and learn it intellectually. The key is to start practicing it. It's not to just know it in your head, it's to know it in your heart. That is the key. Live it through your heart and not in your head. When you are coming from love and from your heart center, it is impossible to judge yourself and others. God is love and God unconditionally loves and accepts the oneness that is on this planet in ourselves and others. Ask your angels and ask your guides to help bring positive things into your life and to your attention to support you during the process instead of staying stuck with the same friends, the same lifestyle. You have to make some changes, and that's where the burning desire to be God-like comes in. If I don't feel like it one day, I'll ask the angels, "Oh, will you help me to have the burning desire to do it? I just don't have it today. Will you assist me. At least give me the desire today." It starts with being willing. It can be that simple at the beginning of each and every day. It can be, "I am willing to release judgment." Deepak Chopra wrote that every day he would get up and say, "Help me. My intention today is to stay out of judgment of myself and others." Write that on a piece of paper and stick it up in the mirror. In your book you write about the Apocalypse, and I sense that that means something different to you now than it did when you were younger. What does it means to you now compared to then and why did you include it in the book? Rekowski: Absolutely. I think so much of the reason that we're stuck in the victim consciousness at this point in time, or the reason a lot of people are holding onto the victim consciousness, is because they have assimilated to fear. For so long, religions have taught us to be fearful in order to maintain their power. When I was growing up in the Baptist religion, a lot of it was, "At any time God could come back and you have to make this decision to give your life over to Jesus." It was fear-based. I've already had Christians attack me on this, but my response comes from a place of love and knowingness that you don't need fear. You don't need fear to make the choice. If you're coming from fear, you're not coming from love. You can choose to create your future and be a part of love without making a fear-based decision. In the past, the Apocalypse was, "Oh my gosh, it's the end of the world and I better listen to what these people say." In essence, do you understand that's just giving our power away to something outside of ourselves? The Greek definition of the Apocalypse is the lifting of the veil. You don't have to believe one certain way to find your own salvation, to save yourself, to wake up to who you really are and what's been around you and the Divinity that is within you and everything on this planet. Marianne Williamson's well-known quotation empowers us by telling us that our playing small does not serve the world. That seems to echo in your words that encourage us to feel our Divinity and own our Divinity. Why is now the time to do that? Rekowski: The time is now, here, at the present moment. I think anybody who has been studying new thought or new age for the past 10 years has seen huge leaps and bounds in our society's willingness to embrace some of these ideas. I think mass consciousness now is ready to hear these words, and it is more willing to accept the bits and pieces of truths that are being shared. I didn't want this book to come out and just attack old belief systems. I simply wanted it to be a healing tool for each and every person who picked up the book. What I say before I read any book is, "Help me to take what I'm supposed to and leave the rest." And, that's what I hope people will do with this book. They will realize that the time is now. The veil is lifting. People don't have to be afraid any more for being beheaded or burned at the stake for speaking their truth. For eons of time, for thousands and thousands of years, we weren't able to do that. And for the last couple thousand of years, we weren't able to speak our own truths or to own our Divinity freely, because we were being condemned for it. Today, right here, right now, in the present moment, we have an opportunity to accept our Divinity, to live and breath our Divinity, to embrace each other and to love each other without any rules and regulations that tell us that we have to do it in a certain way, that this way is right, this way is wrong. Harry Palmer has the most wonderful quote: "When the right and wrong game winds down, world peace will ensue" -- and I think we're coming into a time when leaving that victim consciousness behind will allow us to have world peace. Lori Rekowski will present a workshop, "How to Live a Life Free of the Victim Consciousness," from 10 a.m.-Noon May 8, at Stonehenge, 2520 Hennepin Ave. S., Minneapolis. The cost is $20. Register at www.avictimnomore.com or call (651)-353-3502 for more information. Visit the website for more on the book A Victim No More. Contact Lori at lori@avictimnomore.com Tim Miejan is editor of The EDGE. Contact him at (651) 578-8969 or e-mail editor@edgenews.com Copyright © 2004 Tim Miejan |
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May 2004 |
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