| Honor the Pain and the Pleasure by Arlene J. Colver OUCH! !@$%^&&*^#@@!*&%$@!!! The hammer hits your thumb and your entire consciousness moves to the throbbing. The string of expletives erupts as you grab the frozen peas to sooth your pain in absolute disbelief that this could happen to you. As the discomfort subsides, your mind moves you to ask questions like, "How could I have been so stupid? Why did I do that? What's the matter with me today?" Now you examine your thumb, looking for the obvious consequences: bruising, swelling, bleeding and a blackening nail. Once you've surveyed the situation, you begin looking for the less obvious results, the hindrances and handicaps that follow an injury. For one, will you be able to type your piece? Will you be able to knit tonight? Will you be able to finish the home-repair project that got you into this mess in the first place? By this time, you are holding, rubbing or even sucking your thumb. Eventually, you look to your thumb to heal itself and find ways around your little disability. You adapt to the moment, allowing yourself to heal and adopt some new policies for the future. Pain is an impetus for healing. The message of physical pain is to stop doing what you are doing and fix what's wrong. The message of mental or emotional pain is the same: Make some changes and start the healing process. When a relationship changes with the blow of divorce like a hammer striking your chest, you feel the pain of heartbreak. You resound those expletives in anger and fear. You can't believe that this could happen to you. The tears flow from grief and you look for some etheric ice pack to ease the agony. Maybe it's a glass of wine. Maybe it's a best friend's shoulder to cry on. Maybe you eat six chocolate bars or drink a six-pack of your favorite brew. Maybe you journal or maybe you just choose to go to bed. For a while, at least, the pain subsides. Then you start asking the questions? "What did I do? Where have I gone wrong?" You think you have been stupid or just insane to have risked so much, so foolishly. You blame the hammer of love for the pain in your heart or you feel guilty for not having held the relationship in a different way. Then you start to survey the relationship. Is it repairable? How much scarring will there be? What will it take to mend your heart? You choose reconciliation, counseling or maybe living alone for a while. You make your wisest choices, adapt for the moment and allow your heart to heal, making some new policies regarding relationships. Yes, pain brings us to healing and to learning about our world and ourselves, because we honor its message. Good news! There is the concept of painless living! We can learn from the joy of life by being aware of its presence. You see, pain comes into our lives in body, mind or spirit to motivate us. Pain is the proverbial 2x4 that is meant to get our attention when nothing else has. In my first little scenario, I'm sure you could relate. You were just not paying attention. Your mind was elsewhere and you'll be more careful the next time. The relationship scenario is really much the same. When pain comes, it is because we weren't paying attention. We were unaware of the goodness and joy of life in the moment. We take one another and our abundance for granted and only notice what we do not want, have or need. Painless living is not a Pollyanna proposal. It is a positive attitude and an awareness of what is right with the world. God responds to gratitude and praise, not to criticism and gloom. When we look to our loved ones and honor the good in them, we can expect that they will want us to see it even more clearly and act in accordance with their desire. The more good we see and honor, the better it gets. Honor is truly the key to painless living. By honoring someone or something, I do not mean lowering your head in some reverent bow. Honoring means paying an open and sincere compliment, writing a thank-you note, injecting a positive statement into an otherwise negative conversation. Honoring means proactively filling the glass of life with positive energy instead of judging it to be half full or half empty. If you think about it, we honor pain on a regular basis. Conversations center on the conflicts and discomforts of life more often than the glory of the sunrise. More get-well cards are certainly sent than are stay-well cards. The news is filled with stories of pain rather than recovery. After 11 p.m., stand-up comics bombard us with pain-honoring jokes about the flaws of others. But how often do we honor the comforts, joys and healings that are everywhere? Painless living depends not only on counting our blessings, but also on making them the focus of our lives and honoring them with the praise and gratitude that they deserve. Send a stay-well card to a friend you haven't seen for a while. Inscribe a paper heart with the words, "I love how you love me." And put it on your spouse's pillow tonight. Give your children badges of achievement for making you proud. Just for today, keep your conversations positive affirmations of the good in your life. You will be amazed at what a painless life will result. Sure, we have our sorrowful moments, but finding what is right with us in that moment is the only analgesic that really works to relieve the pain and prevent its return. Namasté (I honor the God/dess in you)! Rev. Dr. Arlene Colver, N.D., is a mystic and spiritual mentor, a doctor of naturopathy, healer and teacher of the Master's Path at Lifelight University. She can be reached for comment or question at: Lifelight University Cable WI (715) 794-2638 or e-mail Schirah@cheqnet.net Visit her website at http://lifelightuniversityorg/ Arlene is the author of a new work, Magdalen's Way, and will present a workshop based on the book at Stonehenge Rock & Rituals on March 6. Call Kathy Luther for more information at (612) 827-5352. Copyright © 2004 Arlene Colver |
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March 2004 |
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