| Honoring The Gift of
Depression by Özlem Ersin Lovers don't send letters filled with rose petals anymore, have you noticed? They exchange e-mails. All human affairs -- including those of the heart and the soul -- seem to have moved into cyberspace. I remember a particular e-mail from an old acquaintance. In it, he was confessing how his spiritual practice had been tearing him into pieces. It was hardly a lamentation, though. He welcomed this place of existentialist chaos with some glee. It was an opportunity to rebuild himself into the man he hoped he actually was. He didn't have a functional life, he wrote, but this state of falling apart might be the beginning of one. The story of falling apart on one's spiritual journey is an old one. From the Buddha to Abraham, from Mohammed to the Dalai Lama, our spiritual teachers have all faced deep personal crises before emerging from the cave. Suffering serves us by highlighting undesirable elements in our lives. Depression as a form of suffering may, indeed, be a powerful wake-up call; if we didn't experience the pain, how would we recognize the hurt and do something about it? While the biochemical and emotional causes of depression are widely recognized -- and receive, for the most part, competent care -- its psycho-spiritual conditions have largely been ignored by Western medical practice. In Elements of the Real in Man, A. H. Almaas writes, "Most of our dissatisfaction comes not from sickness or material problems, but from not being ourselves." It is this spiritual suffering, what Almaas calls "a hunger for our true selves," that deserves our attention. From this angle, we may begin to welcome depression as an emergency alert system, a gift from our Essence on our journeys toward actualized consciousness. Spirituality is no more than getting to know the divine within ourselves. Whether our depression is emotional, physical or spiritual in nature, we can recognize it as a gift of awakening, a playful nudge toward full realization. Rather than pathologizing it, we can choose to turn our spiritual emergency into a spiritual emergence. We can cherish the solitary call of depression as a date with our own selves, with our true Essence, and we may choose to: ¥ Listen -- Whether you believe it is God, your Essence, or a totem animal, your higher power speaks through silence. Get comfortable with it. Feel into your depression and hear its wisdom. Give meditation a try. When your mind wanders, let it; it might be searching for a way to communicate with you! ¥ Get appropriate healing counsel -- As the saying goes, like it or not, we are spiritual beings having a physical experience. There is no shame in taking care of these vessels that will carry our souls around for the rest of our lives. Determine, with the aid of a qualified practitioner, if medication, cognitive therapy or behavioral modification may give you the added grounding as you traverse your spiritual path. As always, practice discernment in choosing your healing companions; not all healers have healed themselves. ¥ Detoxify -- Reduce your exposure to toxic elements. This could be a poisonous belief that promotes self-doubt on your spiritual path, an immature healer with a holier-than-thou attitude, or even a particular type of food. Personally, I have an easier time locating my center in meditation when I reduce my sugar intake. Find out what works for you. ¥ Locate your soulmates -- Life is a treasure hunt for the hidden elements of our true being. We reclaim aspects of our selves from soulmates who have been safekeeping them on our behalves. You'll know a soulmate by that familiar feeling in your center. Don't confuse this familiarity with trustworthiness or integrity, though. Familiarity is not safety. Not all soulmates are kind, not all soulmates are truthful, not all soulmates are lovers or friends. You might have been mortal enemies in a prior life. Love your soulmates as the guardians of your Essence, claim your gifts and move on in gratitude when the time comes. ¥ Have integrity -- Falling apart is not a cosmic sign that our spiritual cogitations are finally paying off, that we are somehow superior to others because of it. Do not let depression become what Almaas calls an indulgence of the ego on your path. Don't wear it as a badge of honor. Depression has a way of becoming a lifestyle. Recognize that you are more than what ails you. ¥ Forgive -- Holding onto feelings of betrayal, vengeance or guilt will only poison your own energy field and lodge you deeper into depression. Those who have transgressed against you have done so out of unconscious patterns of fear. They meant to be the best parent, lover, healer, partner or co-worker they could be but went unconscious or got scared along the way. No one intentionally sets out to fail. Let them learn their own lessons, in their own time, and let it be. Even in the absence of amends and apologies (and particularly in the absence of amends and an apologies!), forgive for your own sake. And, while you are at it, forgive yourself. Your karma is not on a vendetta trip against you. It's not out to attract undesirable elements into your life and make you suffer needlessly. If you look intentionally, you will see the lesson in each seeming betrayal, hurt or failure. Recognize the awakening that might be stirring within! If you need to reach your Essence through depression, so be it. As a soulmate of yesteryear once said, may your lessons on your journey be benevolent ones. Namasté. Özlem Ersin lives in St. Paul, Minn. She can use more rose petals in her life. Please send her e-mails and virtual petals at ersin001@umn.edu Copyright © 2004 Özlem Ersin |
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Feb 2004 |
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