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We can help Children Cope with
War
by Lloyd J. Thomas
As I write this, American soldiers continue to die in Afghanistan and Iraq. For the
past several months, these wars have preoccupied the minds and hearts of the citizens
of our country. Hourly news "updates," TV special reports and regular long
programs on war and its consequences filled our viewing hours. The "news media"
brought the war immediately into our lives. The psychological stress of war impacts
each and every one of us. And our children are the most vulnerable to the emotional
duress of helpless exposure to such impact.
Children and adolescents spend about a third of their waking hours in schools, a
third at home and a third watching TV or playing video games. It is necessary for
school personnel at all levels to address the problem difficulties, fears and worries
our children may have regarding the war. Parents and the media need to do the same.
Children who watch TV. Children with "pen pals" or relatives in Israel,
Palestine, Afghanistan, Iraq and other countries in the Middle East. Children with
relatives in the military. Arab-American children.
When it comes to war, all children share a common emotion...fear. Fear for their
own safety. Fear of loss of a relationship. Fear of rejection. Fear of talking about
the war. Fear of war here in the U.S. Fear of their own thoughts, feelings of anger
and sadness, and even fear of their own anxiousness.
Schools, as well as families, need to address the fears of our children. Some signs
of fear seen by school personnel can include deterioration of study habits, distractibility,
increased aggression, extremely "hyper" behavior, withdrawal, loss of interest,
loss of appetite, increased physical and health complaints, and increase of "war-game"
play.
Way back in 1991, the American Psychological Association sent every member a pamphlet
entitled, "How To Find Calm In A Time Of Conflict." Among other things,
it offers guidelines for schools to help administrators, teachers, counselors and
volunteers address the fears of students.
These guidelines, which remain valuable and relevant today, suggest that parents
and school personnel can help by:
• Creating ongoing classroom meetings
or discussion groups as safe places for children to express feelings.
• Teaching about the common bonds that children from the Middle East and Western
countries share, which will help reduce fear of differences.
• Encouraging cooperative, friendly behavior.
• Easing children's fears of danger by telling them it's OK to feel afraid and helping
them separate fact from fantasy.
• Enabling children to feel like they make a difference -- writing letters to service
personnel or world leaders, collecting for the American Red Cross, hanging yellow
ribbons around the school.
• Asking children to create a plan to bring peace to the Middle East now and for
the future, using the knowledge they acquire in their studies.
• Asking children to do thoughtful things to help classmates who might be more directly
affected by the crisis.
• Providing support for school staff who are themselves directly affected by the
wars...for example, support groups, cards or care packages.
I would add the following to that list of guidelines.
• Encourage discussion, which is dependent on age differences. Children, ages 5-12
have very specific and concrete fears, whereas adolescents have a better grasp of
the issues and their abstract thoughts tend to generate fear.
• As far as possible, maintain your normal routines. The content of your curriculum
may be different, but the daily routine and regularly -- taught curriculum needs
to remain the same.
• Teach conflict resolution skills. Teach non-violent methods for resolving differences.
Don't reinforce prejudice.
• Help the child to feel protected by the school.
• Stay calm yourself. The more distressed you are, the more children are aware of
it and become more distressed themselves.
Let's all work together to prevent and heal the childhood emotional casualties of
war. Any "peaceful" future depends on such prevention and healing.
Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D. has more than 30 years experience as a Life Coach and Licensed
Psychologist. Dr. Thomas serves on the faculty of the Institute For Life Coach Training.
In that capacity, he teaches advanced coaching teleclasses. To contact the Institute,
call (970) 224-9830 or e-mail doccoach@lifecoachtraining.com. Visit www.lifecoachtraining.com.
Contact Dr. Thomas at (970) 568-0173 or e-mail DrLloyd@CreatingLeaders.com. To subscribe
to his weekly column, Practical Psychology, e-mail your request to: PracticalPsychology-On@lists.webvalence.com and write "subscribe" in the
subject line and an "X" in the body.
Copyright © 2003 Lloyd J. Thomas
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