| Keys to discovering your heart Smoke Signals | by Debbie Smoker Dear Debbie, Since embarking on my spiritual path, my husband and parents seem to have turned against me. I'm hurt and confused. How can I follow my heart and also keep peace at home? -- Edna J., Stillwater, Minn. Dear Edna, First, I want to congratulate you for having the courage to move forward on your own personal journey. What you are experiencing is happening all over the planet. Let's explore what is really going on here. People are creatures of habit and, in general, they feel an illusion of security with routine. When something happens that appears to threaten that security, it creates fear and chaos. Many people become so excited when experiencing their first exposure to a different way of thinking and understanding that they start shoving it down other people's throats. I believe this is done innocently, with a sense of wonder at their discoveries. It's only natural that when we find something that so helps us personally we will want to share it, especially with those we are closest to. We come to realize that we have information that has the potential to really help others. However, certainly no one enjoys unsolicited advice being crammed down their throat -- especially in the delicate matters of religion and spirituality. Please keep this in mind, and check yourself to see if you have behaved or are still behaving this way. Your behavior toward others is something that you can change, without sacrificing what is important to you. Let's take a look at your husband and parents. Perhaps they embrace a particular religion that is meaningful to them personally, in which case they are most likely afraid for your soul. Much of religious teaching is very fear-based and controlling. People are often afraid to question what they have been taught, because if they do, and they're wrong, then they fear eternal damnation. Their thinking is that it's better not to make waves. Because they love you, they want you to embrace their beliefs and experiences (just as you want them to embrace yours). Many religions teach that anything but their dogma is the work of the devil. Your loved ones may in all truth think that the devil has influenced you. Let's look at people who are just living their lives, not really concerning themselves with religion or spirituality. Life seems OK. Feathers aren't being ruffled. Then, one family member "gets spiritual." We are like computers. None of us has escaped major programming in our lives. When someone has an awakening, huge changes take place both internally and externally. As a result, relationships change. This is inevitable. Often a lack of communication creates great fear and confusion. One feels he/she no longer knows those he/she has previously been so close to. The newly awakened one must often endure being told they have become cultists and are crazy. Often spouses decide to leave them, and family tries to "talk sense into them" in a last ditch effort to "save them." However, if everyone is willing to come from a place of love, then a bridge of communication can be formed. Please understand that you can't change anyone and it isn't your job to try. Don't push your beliefs on others. We are each walking our own sacred path and creating the experiences we wish to have. Honor that, both in yourself and in others. Be sure that you respect yourself and your journey. In turn, you will attract the respect of others. And allow others to walk their own walk. Just love them as they are. Be conscious of all that you are projecting out. Be sure you don't come across as seeming to be wiser than those around you. Often people sound like a know-it-all preacher when discussing their new way of life. They don't realize how other people are perceiving them and this creates pain and sorrow. Others are probably sitting in judgment of you, but are you judging them and their behavior? Don't. If they are uncomfortable discussing spirituality, then don't. Perhaps they want to share their fears/concerns with you. Listen to them. Some people feel threatened because they feel jealous of your newly found joy. They may even unconsciously come to believe that you will leave them. After all, you have found something that is very fulfilling. They may fear that you no longer need them. Let your loved ones know how valuable and important they are to you. Part of what we are all here for is to learn unconditional love. Easier said than done, I know. But you can experience harmony at home if you can learn to detach from your need to project your "stuff" onto others and if you can love those around you as they are. I wish for you continued growth and much peace in this holiday season of love. Thanks for being you. Remember: Nothing is worth more than this day. Send questions to Debbie on any aspect of metaphysics or spiritual growth by e-mail to dsmoker@execpc.com Debbie Smoker is based in Madison, Wisc., and is available for speaking, doing readings and workshops. She is the author of Turn On Your Magic Eyes and Joy Of Jamaica, the first of two books in a series about a man's spiritual evolution. Call Debbie at (608) 833-0102 or e-mail dsmoker@execpc.com. Check out her website at www.dsmoker.com. Copyright © 2003 Debbie Smoker |
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