| Happiness by Amy Schmelzer An excerpt from a book in progress, tentatively entitled, From My Heart To Yours: Letters, Thoughts, and Insights on Living and Loving Have you ever sat in the dark and listened to your heart beat, listening to the thump-thump, thump-thump as it grows loud inside your ears...feeling the rhythm resonating throughout your whole body...feeling the presence of every wall of every vein and every artery in each moment after precious moment? And have you, in one of those moments, realized the miracle that you are, breathing in air, feeding your system, human, and fully alive? In that moment, does gratitude wash over you as if you were the pebble on the bed of a roaring river, because good or bad, right or wrong, high or low, hellish or abundantly joyous, you have lived it -- you have chosen it, you have felt it, you have been it, you have transcended it -- and therefore, you have loved it? You are, in those moments, just what you are -- heart thumping, body breathing, in the silence, in the dark -- with tears of joy streaming down your face. Love and gratitude become you. You are there...and you know it...and you are so very beautiful. We are all beautiful Creators...luminescent balls of energy that are everything important, and yet nothing at all. To discover what happiness is...to discover why we are here...to open to experiencing ever more of it, is a unique and personal journey that can only truly be known from within. So it is with Truth. So it is with Beauty. So it is with Love. Let us honor each other's journeys to come to know these things as we come to honor our own. I experienced happiness on a day when I watched someone get very angry -- skin so red, veins bulging, energy flaring...feeling...observing the resultant sensations, the exquisite unpleasantness within my own being -- and feeling a gentle smile appear on my face, my eyes playing softly over this person, thinking, "My, you are marvelous, even in your rage. Such a perfect expression of the Divine you are." Our human emotions are so fascinating, so alive...so beautiful...even the ones that are totally unsavory. I experienced happiness the day that I went running, my legs heavy with fatigue, and my poor body, being the trooper that it always is, called out, "We always run! I am so tired! Why must we run today?" And instead of impatiently retorting, "Because I said so!" my mind paused for thought, took a deep breath, and in spite of itself, responded, "You are right. You are a strong, healthy, beautiful body, and I love you." And I slowed down. And then I walked. I experienced happiness one day when I saw an image of myself as a small child -- the face of my inner child, my id, my "low self," my subconscious -- accompanied by a tall, willowy, ancient Asian man in a long robe, with a long white beard, a staff of some sort, and a little box of a hat. He was the face of my wisdom, my essence, my potential, my peace. And she was very small, sitting on a little stool, dressed in a pretty little dress, with a bow in her hair, crying into the palms of her hands, feeling unrecognized, unloved, and unwanted. And the old man came to her, put his arm tenderly around her shoulder and whispered softly, as he looked into her eyes, "There, there, child. You are recognized, and you are loved beyond measure. Remember Who You Are. Always remember Who You Are." And as she sniffled, she began to smile lovingly up at the old man. They walked away, hand-in-hand, out of my mind's eye. And I sat there, observing this, and smiled, feeling the peace of being very much on the same page with my Self and my self...feeling as if all of my parts were in complete alignment...their communication honest, loving and compassionate. I felt the peace of having finally received the support, the love, and the recognition I had always wanted...from the one person that I had most wished to receive it from all of my life. I experienced happiness when, after nine-plus years, I gazed into my lover's eyes, appreciating all of the vast experiences -- the trials and the tribulation, the triumph and the euphoria -- that our relationship had seen. I looked at a man that I did not recognize...a man who had blossomed out of the skinny little boy I had first met in the seventh grade...one who was so balanced, so sweet, so soft...hard-working, disciplined, athletic and intelligent, spiritually attuned, yet grounded, and amazingly fortified. He was everything that I had ever wanted in a partner. He was everything that, for nine-plus years, I had always known he could be. Oh joyful rapture! He had found his completeness. But so had I. And even fate has a sense of irony. And as we sat there, with more Love in our hearts for one another and for life than ever before, we realized that it was not time to be married...but rather time to say good-bye...at least for now...at least in this way. Happiness was loving him so much that I only wished to let him go, to see him fly. Happiness was realizing that I was just me, and that, yes, that really was enough. I experienced happiness when I realized that happiness had become a rare find in my vocabulary...when I realized that I didn't even know if I experienced happiness very often anymore...when I realized that happiness was a brief and passing sentiment, amongst the breezes and the winds of thoughts and feelings that passed through me in my existence here...when I realized that it was not truly happiness that I was seeking...nor excitement...nor joy...nor ecstasy...as equally and completely as I did not seek sadness or boredom or emptiness or depression...just peace. Just peace amidst full choice to experience them all. Seek not your joy. Follow not your bliss. Do not even be them. Just Be. Be any and all of it. You are both pure Spirit and completely human. Acknowledge both. Be both without fear. Joy will follow. Feel all of your feelings deeply -- and without judgment. Love loves them all, and you are Love. It is only when you allow yourself to do this, to know this, that you will be at liberty to create your life from your favorites amongst them. Be your happiness or anything else that your heart desires. Namasté. Peace to all of you on your journeys. Amy Schmelzer is a 25-year-old Advanced Practitioner of the EMF Balancing Technique, a Soul Clearing facilitator, an Indigo/Crystal Children and personal empowerment workshop facilitator, a writer, and a spiritual guide. She can be reached by phone at her home in Overland Park, Kan., at (913) 652-9221 or by e-mail at UtopianVision47@aol.com. Copyright © 2003 Amy Schmelzer |
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