| Happiness is an Inside Job by Gayle Klauser Do you wake up each morning with a smile on your face? Or do you dread getting out of bed and facing another day? Like many people, you may be caught in a web of negative thought patterns that keeps you from appreciating the joy life can bring. Psychologists once studied two women who were similarly situated in life. Each was from a similar economic background and had similar childhoods. Both were single, around 40 years old, with no children. Each woman had many friends and an active social life. Both women had experienced serious auto accidents several months earlier, from which they still were recovering. The first woman considered the crash to be a terrible tragedy in her life, further proof that she was inherently unlucky, and further contributing to her unhappiness with her life. The second woman believed she was one of the luckiest women alive. Her pain was a daily reminder of how fortunate she was to have survived the crash and would eventually recover from her injuries. How similar their life experiences and yet how different their perspectives! Some believe that the tendency toward happiness or unhappiness is genetically determined. They would say that our position on the happiness/unhappiness scale is based on our ancestors, and that there is very little that we can do about it. My experience in working with people as a personal coach and transpersonal bodyworker indicates otherwise. Although it is possible that there may be genetic influences, I believe that happiness is, largely, a habit much like brushing your teeth in the morning. Like most habits, it can be transformed when an individual is committed to experiencing life in a different way. We go to school to learn reading, math, science and other subjects considered by our society to be important lessons. But when it comes to emotions, our brains are left untrained and undisciplined. Too often we allow our thoughts to carry us into treacherous waters. And one of the dangers lurking there is the negativity that robs us of our happiness, that keeps us from connecting with our soul's purpose and that holds us captive in a life devoid of joy. The good news is that we can learn new thought patterns. Usually even the most pessimistic person, if committed and willing to learn new thought habits, can become joyful and appreciative of life's many blessings. There are many tools and techniques that can be used. The following are a few steps to start retraining your brain: • Keep a gratitude journal. Every day record at least three things in your life that day for which you are grateful. If you can't summon a single thing, list things like "woke up alive" or "found socks that match." Don't worry if you can't muster up the feeling of gratitude. Write down things you would be grateful for if you were the sort of person that did feel grateful. Just keep at it, every day. • Smile for a while. Yes, people will wonder what's up if they see you with a smiley face when they're used to seeing you with a frown. Let them wonder, just keep on smiling. Set a minimum time limit, like 10 minutes a day to begin. Every few days increase it by increments of 5 minutes. You may feel foolish, but it's worth it. It gets harder and harder to be grumpy with a smile pasted on your face. And the smile muscles in your face actually signal your brain to release those feel-good brain chemicals, a true natural high. • Surround yourself with uplifting people. If your pals are sourpusses, find new friends with whom to hang out. Joy can be infectious but so can negativity, so don't let others trip you up. • Turn off that television -- especially the news and any other programs that dwell on doom and gloom. When you do watch TV, notice how you feel. If you feel depressed or worried, turn it off. The same applies for the big screen and for books you read. Find uplifting entertainment, it is out there. • Volunteer. Visit seniors in a nursing home, read to children in the hospital or help out at a homeless shelter. Give of yourself. The Universe can't hand you its blessings if your hand is closed in a fist. Open up your fist and your heart by giving to others and notice how much better you feel. • Practice being a Pollyanna. Every time something bad happens, look for the silver lining. Those storm clouds really do have silver linings if only you notice. Focus your attention on the positive aspects, no matter how minute they may seem. • Practice this adage: "Don't say anything if you can't say something nice." To do otherwise just perpetuates the cycle of negativity. And don't gossip, for the same reason. • Exercise. Spend some time outside every day. Even a short walk is energizing, and the fresh air seems to blow away negative thoughts and feelings. Be aware of the sights and sounds and smells of nature as you walk. Practice these steps on a daily basis and before you know it you will notice your heart feeling lighter. Your friends and family will notice, as well. You deserve to live a happy life! Gayle Klauser is a personal creative life coach, transpersonal bodyworker and a spiritual mentor. She offers free initial consultations. You may reach her by calling (651) 463-8370 or by e-mailing her at gayleklauser@hotmail.com Copyright © 2003 Gayle Klauser |
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