| Embracing Emotions by Maureen Higgins All emotions are good. They let us know when things are going well or when things are unhealthy for us. If we ignore our emotional signals, they stay with us and cause us pain. It's been a collective belief that acceptable behavior means we avoid our emotions. This is particularly true for men. At an early age, most of us learned that happiness is the only acceptable emotion to express. If something bothered us as children, our crying was not accepted as a healthy outlet. Expressing anger was most likely punished instead of being channeled into healthy dialogue and resolution. If we repressed our emotions in the past, they're still alive within us. Situations that happen today, even if mild or neutral, can trigger old emotions into play, which turns the signal of anger into rage or sadness into depression. The challenge is to transform old, stuck emotions so they can't be triggered inappropriately or come on with an intensity that doesn't fit what's going on in our life. This allows us to more easily process new emotions as they come up. The most difficult part of transforming old emotions is our inner resistance to feeling them. Many of us believe that feeling them will cause us to be overwhelmed or make us bad people. If something extreme has happened, the thought of experiencing them is as good as dying. My experience in working with clients is that those who are willing to experience their emotions in a session (it could mean sobbing, screaming, or pounding fists on a massage table) only do so for a relatively short time and in doing so leave feeling much better. Sometimes it doesn't take a physical release. Sometimes people feel emotions deeply within themselves and feel the release taking place as they do so. We can minimize emotional pain by keeping our focus on what is happening right now and not allowing our mind to create detrimental messages and scenarios within ourselves. It's the inner drama we create that intensifies our emotional pain. By sticking to what is actually happening, feeling the emotions, and then choosing healthy options in our lives, we can stay with a feeling of well-being and centeredness. Some of us have difficult situations that appear daily or regularly. You may have a terminally ill spouse, a mentally ill child or a painful physical condition. The reality is that these situations cause lots of stress, and anybody in these situations would be challenged. Your past beliefs on growing old with your spouse may be challenged, along with accepting help from others. Your past beliefs about raising a child may be challenged. You're not a bad parent because your child raises chaos everywhere she goes and find that Eastern and Western medical models, discipline, counseling and special programs do not help. You're not a failure because positive thinking hasn't taken away your arthritis or your chronic back pain. You're not physically challenged because you're a bad person. These situations force us to look at life outside the box -- or else overwhelm hits. We need to be open to viewpoints and solutions that do not fit with the everyday. After your mentally ill child throws toys at the wall and continues with a hate tantrum for two hours, you don't want to bottle up your emotions. While she's throwing her tantrum, you can go to a nearby room and release your stress through crying, journaling and calling a friend. Commit to making a change within yourself so that new solutions and ways of viewing the situation will come in to help you. Each time you start to create new dramas in your mind about her next difficult incident at school or the impossibility of finding her help, stop yourself. Know that there are answers to every challenge and they will come when the timing is right. Now pay attention for signs in helping yourself and your situation. If a friend offers to help you, this could be part of the answer. If a teacher speaks of a new program for challenging children, this could be part of the answer. Keep open to all help -- don't let your beliefs or pride get in the way. There are many difficult situations going on in our world. It is helpful to ourselves and the planet if we picture light and peace in the world and stay away from fearful messages in the media. This doesn't mean we need to be in denial. It means that instead of adding to the fear, we're choosing to focus on world peace and unity. If we're to take action to help with a more peaceful world, we stay open to new ways of ushering it in -- the old paradigm/perspective hasn't worked. The more of us that stay open to helping ourselves, our families and our world in new ways, the more profound the changes will be. Maureen Higgins, M.A., owns the business Wings of Freedom where she's an intuitive counselor. She helps people with relationship issues, childhood issues and abuse, and spiritual growth using intuitive sight, guided imagery, the Mind Soul Alignment Energy System, BioGenesis Tools, and flower essences. Maureen, along with Mel Vagle, teaches workshops on the Mind Soul Alignment System. Their website is www.wingsoffreedom.homestead.com. You can also reach Maureen at (651) 665-0104. Copyright © 2003 Maureen Higgins |
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