| A Woman of Strength and Beauty by Gretchen Eckes "I know a woman of strength and beauty. I have watched her for years...She is my mother." This is the sentiment expressed on the birthday card I received from my 21-year-old son last month. "A woman of strength and beauty," who he has "watched for years," is what this young man, who is of the generation coming into power, sees in me. In practical terms, I am neither strong nor beautiful; I'm an emotional wuss who still cries during Disney movies and, at an overweight age 56, I would never be confused with a movie star or super model. I have not overcome tremendous odds or physical handicaps; I did not come from a dysfunctional family, and I have not been a slave to an addiction that took over my life. Even so, I have known loss...of love, of employment, of a singing voice that I abused. I wonder what is the strength and the beauty that my son sees? Certainly, if we look at strength and beauty as attributes in and of themselves, they can be readily identified, if not so easily defined. One might say that strength and beauty are comprised of other attributes, such as compassion, nurturing, tenderness, willingness to serve, more accepting of the risks and rewards of emotion, and so on. Is strength something that comes from loss? Or is it values that were lived in our home: tolerance, compassion, recognition of the holiness of creation, acknowledgement of something bigger than ourselves? Is it that I have always tried to keep a sense of humor through all the ups and downs of life? It is likely that all of these things went into his vision of strength and beauty, and for that I am grateful. It is interesting that while men share these attributes in greater or lesser degree, the qualities themselves are labeled "feminine." Emotional strength and the beauty of tolerance, compassion and nurturing are primary in the make-up of women, easier for women to connect with than for men, who still see their primary task as providing food. The Divine Feminine For me, in receiving the birthday card, and in thinking about what I wanted to say in this article, it seems like we need to go back a few decades and gain some perspective on women's roles and the women's movement. Although the Divine Feminine was not an outward part of the women's movement, I believe that the need for equality, in addition to being necessary in itself, was also symptomatic of our need to return to a balance of masculine and feminine energy in our world. The history of our awareness of the Divine Feminine, and the understanding of what such awareness can mean has been a bumpy course. Hindsight being what it is, we can look backwards and shake our heads in dismay over how the feminine images were lost. We can remember, in a cosmic sense, a time when women were revered as the life-givers, and the glue that held a community together. All ancient cultures that I have learned of had a feminine image of the divine, as well as masculine. Women's fertility was honored and carried through to the honoring of the earth, from which all of life comes. This is our earliest heritage. Change began for reasons too numerous to detail. From the first time some unknown person decided that women, and female attributes, were secondary to men and male attributes, we have lived through centuries of oppression -- from the burning of our wise women as witches, to denying women the right to vote or hold property. I can still remember how Sigmund Freud, who gave birth to the idea of different levels of consciousness, also convinced a whole generation that mothers were to blame for mental illness and that their motivating force is the unfulfilled longing for a penis. Masculinize ourselves The uprising that took place in the last half of the 20th century could have been predicted, but what did it really prove? In the quest for equal pay, equal job opportunity, shared parenting responsibility and all the rest, women did not work to feminize the culture. Rather, we worked to masculinize ourselves. We went to "assertiveness" training, and came together in groups to arouse a competitive spirit. We put more emphasis on young women being allowed on high school wrestling teams than we did on teaching our young men how to resolve conflict without violence. Now, as happens in all culture-changing movements, we are experiencing a backlash. Although I am, and always have been, a feminist, I cannot help feeling a twinge of something, I don't know what, when I read the rape statistics, and see the daily news reports showing the increase in domestic violence. And at the same time that we lament violence against women, we also note that more women are committing violent crimes: high-schoolers participating in hazing, kidnapping and even killing their own children. We see reports of women leading rallies against gay rights shouting, "God hates gays," and standing up in our own legislature advocating the carrying of concealed handguns. We put women in the mold of masculinity in order to become equal, and now we find ourselves becoming equal in ways we never intended. In the end, all we did was to force men to allow us to be like them. Is this really what the "women's movement" was all about? An insane society As I look around at our world, do I see a world that has balanced the male and female within all of us? For all of the gains women have made legally, I'm afraid I see something different. I believe that we have, in our very appropriate zeal for equality, over-emphasized one side of the human personality and have created an insane society, one in which there is endless violence, homeless people on the streets, global pollution, daily extinction of entire species, ethnic cleansing, wars on behalf of religion, and immense nuclear arsenals whose sole purpose is destruction. Because of the lack of true femininity, as opposed to sexuality, in our world we have, in the words of Jennifer Barker Woolger and Roger Woolger in their book The Goddess Within, "lost the feminine dimension in our spiritual and psychological lives; that deep mystical sense of the earth and her cycles and of the very cosmos as a living mystery. We have lost our inner connection to that momentous power that used to be called the Great Mother of us all." Can we regain that inner connection, and what is the momentous power? What is needed to further the process of reclaiming the world with feminine energy? How do we continue to move toward an integrated and balanced society that recognizes the strength and beauty of women and men, and embodies the best of humanity? Sense of connection First, we must recognize that the "momentous power" is that sense of connection: that deep, visceral knowledge that everything is a part of everything else, that what hurts me hurts you and what brings you joy brings me joy. Women's in-born connection to life, all of life, is the product of our function of giving birth, and it forces us to the inclusive view where everything belongs and everything is beloved by the Creator. This recognition can lead us to see that empowering the feminine energy is far more than equality in the workplace, affordable daycare or the right to a legal abortion. The inclusive, connecting view forces us to question our worldview and changes our definition of reality. This is interior work, the most significant and most difficult we will do. We must individually sort through our masculine and feminine natures, and become conscious of where they diverge and where they merge. It is our own responsibility to bring yin and yang into the one circle. We will have to, as Elizabeth Lesser says in The New American Spirituality, "be serious enough to add enough of the feminine into the patriarchy so that what emerges is neither a patriarchy nor a matriarchy, but a human-archy. And not even that. What we need is a being-archy, where all beings are granted mutual respect and where decisions are made with the whole circle of life in mind." In other words, we are first to become spiritually whole and then, out of that wholeness, re-create our families, our communities, our societies, our countries and, eventually, our world. Examples to all Some have begun this work and are examples to all of us: Maya Angelou, Melody Beattie, Caroline Myss and Anna Quindlen have the gift of putting universal truth into words and sharing their personal journeys. Patty Wetterling and the women who formed Mothers Against Drunk Drivers and Women Against Military Madness have put themselves on the line to defend principles of respect and non-violence. The women who have flocked into the traditionally male professions of medicine, law, clergy and business are starting to be in positions where they truly can change the way our society operates. The nuns, of many religious orders have founded homes for runaways, homes for unwed mothers, counseling programs, schools, free stores, homeless shelters and soup kitchens to help the "least of our brothers and sisters" to share the life that so many of us take for granted. Men, too, are representing the feminine: Neale Donald Walsh, Henri Nouwen, Thomas Moore and Wayne Dyer put balanced values into words. Al Gore and the late Paul Wellstone worked to bring integrated energy into politics. Monks and missionaries of all traditions have labored to bring justice in many areas. Many male social workers, teachers, counselors and health care workers show a balanced perspective to those they come in contact with. It is probably safe to assume that all of these incredible examples of "feminine" energy have done, and are continuing to do their "interior work." We also need to observe ourselves, our mothers, daughters and friends as they move through their life journeys. Never should we downgrade the influence we have in our own circles of friends and family. It has become trite to compare our actions to the dropping of a pebble into a pond -- the "ripple effect" it is called. Trite maybe, but true. As you integrate yourself, and become more aware of your own connection to all of life, that sense will show in your actions. As you live the life of one who blesses all things, it will radiate outward, impacting the lives of everyone else. The Divine Rhythm An agent of change is really nothing more than one person who lives in the Divine Rhythm and allows that rhythm to leak into all areas of life. Jesus, a fully balanced and integrated man, told us to "be a light" unto the nations. He did not mean we are to convert them all to Christianity or to impose our style of government on them. Jesus meant that we are to be examples of the good news: that the "kingdom of God" is within us and that all creation is part of God and is holy. Living the good news is visible and in the coming together of people who are moving toward spiritual wholeness and living the good news, the seeds of change will germinate and grow more quickly and lastingly than any law or government or religion mandated morality. It all starts with one person, one woman of strength and beauty, one man of compassion and peace. Helen Reddy had a hit song that began, "I am Woman, hear me roar in numbers too big to ignore, and I know too much to go back and pretend." To effect the changes we so desperately need, not only do we need the roar of women united, but of all people. So many of us now know too much to go back and pretend! It is starting to build and the roar that is beginning is not one of monetary or militaristic power, but that of divine power that comes from acknowledging, seeking and finding the inherent connection through the entire universe. Am I a person of strength and beauty? Are you? Then live it. Show it to everyone you know, let it radiate, ripple and roar! Can we change the world? Yes. Do we want to? Only each individual can answer that but, to borrow a phrase, if not you and me, who? And certainly, if not now, when? Gretchen Eckes is co-founder of Shekinah, an organization dedicated to assisting people in developing their personal spirituality through story, ritual, workshops and wisdom circles. A graduate of the Center for Spiritual Guidance Training Program, Ms. Eckes also has a private Spiritual Direction practice. For information on spiritual direction, wisdom circles or other Shekinah activities, call Gretchen at (763) 535-4261 or email Shekinahmn@hotmail.com Copyright © 2003 Gretchen Eckes |
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