| My Journey...From Loss to Love by Sandy Goodman Last of a two-part series In 1996, on a warm Monday morning, my son's heart stopped beating. Jason was 18 years old and on the threshold of life. Scheduled to leave for the Navy that afternoon, he had gone out the night before with friends. Before calling it a night, the group decided to climb to the roof of the tallest building on our Main Street. Towering three stories, this roof afforded the best view of the city. On his way back down the fire escape, Jason grabbed a high voltage line. The electricity caused internal injuries that resulted in his death three hours later. There are no words to portray the intensity of a parent's pain when their child is ripped from their life. I spent six months in a mental fog where only my physical body functioned. Anything requiring thoughts or feelings was futile. As the numbness receded and I realized the reality of death, I entered what I call "the pit." It is there that I cried out in my sleep, screamed at the Universe, and questioned my ability to remain here without him. Grief had come to visit me, and she took up residence in my heart. While feeling every conceivable emotion and working through the different stages of grief that were assaulting me, I also began searching for Jason. He was my first thought in the morning, and my last one before drifting off to sleep. I talked to him constantly and asked him for a sign of his continued existence. I read books about NDEs, ADCs and OBEs and browsed websites that covered life-after-death, mediumship and consciousness. I found like-minded friends and soaked up every ounce of knowledge I could find. I began meditating and learned to listen to my heart. I wanted my son back. Signs appeared early. Lights flickered; candles were blown out, doors slammed. I began a ritual of telling Jason, "If you can't get through to me, go to someone else. Go to them and just tell them to CALL YOUR MOM." As I encountered new people whom I felt would be open to such contact, I would add them to my list for Jason. In the spring of 1997, I was introduced to John Edward (then new medium on the block, now host of Crossing Over) by e-mail. I added his name to Jason's list. And I waited. Soon after the fog lifted, Jason began answering me in our conversations. We enlisted the help of mediums and had two validating readings, but still we hungered for that undeniable proof. Jason continued showing us that he was never gone, but had simply vacated his damaged body. Moreover, I continued telling him to get me a message, to just tell them, "CALL MY MOM!" On June 23, 1997, John Edward called me at work. I had never talked with him by phone and mistook him for a salesman. After I was clear on whom I was talking to, John conveyed what he had come to deliver. He explained that he had been on a little rest and relaxation the past weekend and a "...young male appeared. "I believe it was your son," he said. "May I deliver the message?" I screamed, "Yes!" John went on to tell me, "The first thing he conveyed was 'CALL MY MOM!' " I was ecstatic. My son still lived. Jason went on to give more validating information, but in those three words, hope was born. He continues to this day to connect with us in whatever way he can. I am forever grateful. After seeing John Edward at a seminar in Salt Lake City in the spring of 2000, I became very emotional. I felt something needed to happen, but I had no idea what that something was. I cried every time I tried to talk to anyone about what I was feeling until one night when I was able to tell a good friend. We were in a chat room and as I typed, "I can't believe there are moms out there who think their child is dead...," the feeling of needing to DO SOMETHING disappeared. I suddenly realized that I had survived the unthinkable, and it was time to share my experiences. I needed to reach those who cry out in their sleep...scream at the Universe...and do not know if they want to live another day. I began writing Love Never Dies: A Mother's Journey from Loss to Love. I finished it in March 2001, and got it into the hands of a publisher. I have no doubt that Jason has been instrumental in guiding this book to its birth. His story is an important one. It is a story of eternal life, where love continues to grow even beyond the grave. As I signed the publishing contract, I also made an agreement with Jason. I agreed to accept his torch and to carry it to those who need its light. It is the torch of Love...and its light never dies. Sandy Goodman is the author of Love Never Dies: A Mother's Journey from Loss to Love (Jodere Group, 2002), and the founder and chapter leader of the Wind River Chapter of The Compassionate Friends. In 2003, Sandy will speak at the National Compassionate Friends Conference in Atlanta. Go to www.loveneverdies.net Copyright (c) 2002 Sandy Goodman |
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