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Shadow-Dancing...or It's
Really Dark Down Here: Does Any One Have A Light? by Toni G. Boehm "Wholeness...is not achieved by cutting of a portion of one's being, but by integrating the contraries." -- Carl Jung It has been said that our true inner work begins when we are willing to begin to confront the "shadow-aspects" of our self. Carl Jung, in his writings entitled, Collected Works, impresses the importance of this process when he shares these words: "One does not become enlightened by imaging figures of light but by making the darkness [the unconscious] conscious." Leslie Temple Thurston, in her book Marriage of Spirit, sets forth the idea that our human personality is a matrix of interlinked energy frequencies forming a design that has shape, structure and density -- a design that humankind has ultimately come to call the human personality and has given names such as Toni, John, Rosalie and so on. Living from this state of the egoic self or human personality tends to make us believe that we are all separate individuals. We run around unconscious of our true state of being and of our oneness with each other. Thus, we lock ourselves into a sense of limitation and forget who we truly are. In truth, all separation is an illusion, it is a pattern of energy impressed upon consciousness that fosters the fantasy or perception that we are living life as separate individuals, as human personalities separate from each other. This sense of separateness is impressed even further upon us through the conditioning of labeling and naming. We characterize our self with names, such as John or Mary, in order that we might identify our self as different, within the context of our human personality. Then we take these identifications and further distinguish them with designations such as, male/female, anxious/calm, happy/sad, smart/dumb, mother/father, sister/brother, good/ bad, sweet/negative, desirable/undesirable and so forth. However, if separation is an illusion, then our inherent true nature is a state of oneness with each other and not that of separateness. We only think that we are separate from each other, because we have been taught to label aspects of our being so that we might show our differences. Framework of humakind Please do not misunderstand what I just suggested. The human personality, our ego structure, is needed within the framework of humankind. In fact, the Universe has gone to great deal of trouble to develop individual personality as an aspect of humankind, for it is through the personality that lives in a body named Toni that the Universe has the capacity to take expression. What we need to learn is the difference between our true Self (capital S) and the human self or personality (small s). Our true Self is who we truly are in a state of wholeness without all the "shadow-stuff," without the masks we wear that come from latent memories and illusions of separateness. Connecting with the our true Self allows us to realize that we are sacred being and permits the inner witness to come forth as our guide on the journey back to remembering. It is through the activity of the inner witness that we have the opportunity to examine the traits held within the shadow-side of consciousness more objectively. Self-observation is the prelude to greater awareness, for it ultimately leads us to the experiences of spiritual, emotional, psychological and social fulfillment. Have you ever watched yourself say "No" to something you really wanted to do and then ask yourself, "Why did I say that?" It was your inner witness that watched the whole process and then allowed you to see what you were doing. Making conscious choices is imperative to evolution and to soul growth. You must decide what it is you want and what you want to have expressing in your life. If you do not decide, the Universe will decide for you -- and you probably won't like Its decision. Because what the Universal magnetic energy will bring to you is more of what you have already. So what you will be doing is reliving your old patterns over and over, crying your same crocodile tears, lamenting, "Why is this happening to me again?" We are conditioned as children, by those around us -- our role models, our parents, our teachers, our ministers -- to be just like they are and to think in the same way that they do, to believe and hold the same biases that they have. This conditioning creates within our consciousness a sense of who and what we are in the world, but it is based on information that has been impressed upon us. It is not necessarily information that we have discovered on our own. To the extent that we make the choice to continue to identify with the patterning that was conditioned into us years ago, we stay stuck in limited, unbalanced patterns, continually asking, "Why is this happening to me again?" Making judgments Based upon the beliefs and ideals that we have been indoctrinated with, we tend to begin to label our experiences as good or bad, making judgments about them, which is often based on the faulty information that has been programmed into us. Judgments tend to take one side or another. They cause us to pronounce that this is right and that is wrong. In this judging state of mind, we are in an either/or state of perception, which is a state of duality. In duality, there must always be a right and a wrong -- a positive or a negative. Having made our judgment on that which is appearing before us, we then tend to project our perceptions out into the world according to the decision that we have made. It is said that the world is a holographic universe, that each part contains the pattern of the whole. If this is true, then we contain an aspect of everything that we see and experience. It is a part of us regardless of the judgment we have placed upon it. This is not said as a condemnation or to elicit shame, guilt or blame, but to evoke a sense of awareness. For awareness is how overcoming begins. When we own that we are responsible for our lives and that we are interconnected with all people, then that is when we can begin to shift our perceptions about life and change our world. And we have done this, not through changing someone else but through changing ourselves. Our "Shadow-stuff" As we were shaping our human personality, our "Shadow-stuff" was taking shape also. It was being formed out of the emotional residue that resulted from the experiences that life was sharing with us. Gradually, over time, we repressed those aspects of self that we were conditioned to believe were negative, and bit-by-bit they began to form into our "shadow-side." Whether we are aware of it or not, the subconscious mind willingly stores all the rejected, unacknowledged and sociably unacceptable junk that we experience and holds it for future recall, when needed. While we are unconscious, in the state of perceived separation, there is usually an attempt to bury anything that we have learned has a negative value. Hiding these things from conscious awareness creates a state of denial, which usually shows up later on down the path of life as an unconscious behavior or attitude. Often, our desire to be perceived as looking good and acting good gives us an unconscious reason to suppress, ignore or deny the contents of the subconscious mind. We all, humankind, has been conditioned over many millennia to act this way as part of an unconscious desire to be good enough to be given a place in heaven. After a while, these repressed beliefs, roles and emotions begin to surface and take form within our personality and our life, whether we are consciously aware of them or not -- and most of the time we are not. It is these thoughts that arise from our subconscious mind or shadow-side that manipulates us into convoluted thinking that results in justification, rationalization, self-deception and projection-type behavior we tend to exhibit. For example, if a man was poor as child and he repressed his feelings around never having enough, as an adult this repressed feeling might reveal itself as the behaviors of either a big-spender or as a miser, always saving for the rainy day. When we are willing to be conscious, we learn to bring these hidden aspects of self into the light and integrate them into our lives. In the process of Self-discovery, we have to account for all the "missing pieces of our lives." Higher state of vibration We cannot pretend that any part or aspect of our being does not exist. To become whole, we must begin to unify all the polarities that exist within us into a higher state of vibration. Through our willingness to make the unconscious conscious, we can do this. As a child, we were conditioned through the beliefs and values of our authority figures as to what was considered right vs. wrong, moral vs. sinful, good vs. bad, and objectionable vs. non-objectionable. These are known as polarities, two poles of opposite thoughts, one of which we have usually judged to be good and the other to be not so good. We based these judgments on the conditioning we received from our family and cultural setting. From our judgments, we learned to embrace or abhor the various aspect of each of the aforementioned polarities that came to us through our life experiences. If, as a child, you were conditioned to believe that anger expressed in any way shape or form was wrong, then rather than risk going against your family values, and daring to express your anger, you would tend to stuff your angry feelings and try to be calm or good. After many episodes of repressing your anger -- versus giving it healthy expression, thus learning the value of anger and when it is a valuable asset -- over time these repressed feelings began to take on a powerful, albeit negative, alternative energetic form. Hidden deep within your subconscious mind, these repressed behaviors began to operate outside of your conscious awareness and began to take on a form that was more socially acceptable than the form deemed unacceptable by your authority figures. What happened then was that instead of appropriately expressing anger when faced with intolerable situations, you began to run to the refrigerator to get something to eat or perhaps you began to exhibit a sarcastic wit. In either case, instead of acting out on your anger in a healthy way, you used an alternative method of expression that was considered acceptable within the confines of your social structure. Just for the record, the shadow-side of our being does not only contain negative stuff. No, there is also contained within this shadow-space those glorious aspects of our being that we have not yet been ready to fully accept. Our fear of acceptance of these wonderful parts of our being has caused us to disown them and to push them out of sight, relegating them to the shadow-side of our being. The subconscious contains all that we have denied, feared or have not recognized as being an expression of who we are. Unify the opposites Everyone has a shadow-side. None of us are exempt from this. Willing participating in shadow-work is, in part, learning to unify the opposites that live within us, coming to see all the polarities that exist within our lives and the universe. Through doing our inner work, examining all aspects of our being and making them conscious, we come to find that it is the sense of separation and the judgments that we carry about these polarities that keep us out of a consciousness of wholeness. Seeing the polarities of world as one side being better than the other causes us to want to reject and suppress the "bad" one, rather than seeing each of them as two aspects of who we are. Much our sense of fragmentation in life is caused by wearing masks that are intended to cover those polar opposites that we have repressed or rejected and that still exist within us in the depths of our subconscious mind. True Self-discovery begins when we are willing to ask questions such as, "Who am I?" or "What is the opposite trait of who I am being right now?" Being willing to query takes us into another dimension of our self and can surprise the heck out of us, also. To create a truly great life, we must reclaim both sides of the polarities that reside within our being, and this can only begin when we are willing to be self-aware. Self-awareness is the prelude to awakening to a Higher Consciousness, for one cannot ripen in spiritual maturity without it. People tend to fear the subconscious mind and project the idea that all that it contains is negative and destructive. Entering into the subconscious realm takes us to the path of returning to the knowledge of our oneness and multi-dimensionality, but we must develop a willingness to unveil the contents of the subconscious if we are to return to all that is -- and it is the Divine Feminine that helps birth that willingness. Until we willingly enter the subconscious realm, we cannot discover the vast reservoir of understanding, the hidden treasures, pearls of wisdom and the multitude of skills that lie in wait within. These and more are the gifts that we have access to once we begin to take the journey inward. A desire to consciously interact with your Divine Feminine aspect of being will ultimately lead you to the door of the subconscious mind, the "Play"-ground of the Divine Feminine. In actuality, a playground is an apt name for the subconscious mind, for it is the place where we have the opportunity to frolic in the midst of our scripts, egoic patterns, shadow issues and all the different masks we have hidden behind throughout our lives. Cavorting through these different aspects of self, we can begin to understand that shadow-work (or as I have began to name my workshops "Shadow-Dancing"), is no easy task. It takes a willingness and a stick-to-itiveness to play in this sandbox. Within us are layers of muck that we must shift through in order to claim the prize of wholeness. However, once we begin to clear our egoic patterns and shadow issues, we find that we are blessed with a heightened sense of discernment, inner guidance and a knowing of our Higher Power. Cornerstone of inner work Confrontation and acceptance of our Shadow-side is touted as the cornerstone of inner work. Debbie Ford, in The Dark Side of the Light Chasers, says that "...you cannot undo what you have done, but you can clear the negative effects of your experiences." Exercises in Shadow-Dancing work are designed to help to clear away the internal programming, which have made us do non-productive things. They hold within them a process that works to peel away layers from the subconscious mind and open us to living from a sense of what I call, "Integrative Spirituality." When we are able to contain the extremes of the polarities that live within us and let them pass through us, we will find the "ground of our being," which is our still center in the eye of the storms of life. "The art of individualization, of becoming one's unique self...to discover who we are, we must ultimately withdraw those parts of ourselves which we have unwittingly projected onto others, thus learning to find deep within our own psyches the potentials and shortcomings, which we had only seen in others." -- John Randolph Price, in The Angels Within Us We say "Yes" to participating in Shadow-Dancing work, because we are ready to end our sense of suffering, to stop hiding and to stop nurturing the illusions that we have been living with. Shadow-Dancing, as an exercise, helps to uncover, own, and embrace all of who we are. We do this because life, through its myriad of experiences, has brought us to a realization that trying to be perfect is an illusion that we can never meet -- and it has become very costly to our psyche and our soul. We possess every trait that we encounter in life -- bar none -- and we also possess its opposite. If you believe you are unworthy, seek out to find its opposite in you, and you will find your worthiness. If you are insecure, there is within you a secure being. and there is within you an inner witness that knows this. Allow your façades to come down, be willing to remove your masks of honest/dishonest, good/bad, victim/tyrant, etc., and live from ground of your being. Shadow-work is the path of the heart, of the Divine Feminine, for it takes us to a new level of awareness where we are willing to open our heart to all aspects of who we are. So what can you do to begin to start the shift within you? Begin to accept that whatever you are feeling or experiencing in life has an opposite that also exists within you. Don't keep fighting it. Once you have accepted that you are weak, unworthy, over-confident, insecure, etc., imagine its opposite and know that you are that, too. Give yourself permission to experience all facets of who you are. Remember, you must be aware of yourself as greedy in order to know that you want to be unselfish. Our shadow-side reveals to us not that we are not whole, but how we can become whole. Be willing to embrace and integrate all the aspects of your being: the hidden negative and positive. Be as willing to embrace your power, competence, authenticity, success, beauty, intelligence, etc. as you are that you are unworthy and insecure. Toni Boehm, Ph.D., is an ordained Unity minister. She was the Dean at Unity School of Christianity's seminary for 15 years and is currently Director of Strategic Initiatives. Boehm is a teacher of mysticism and believes that her mission is that of being a "midwife for the birthing of the soul's remembrance." She is the author of the books: The Spiritual Intraprenuer and Embracing the Feminine Nature of the Divine. She facilitates retreats, classes and seminars on mysticism, prayer, prosperity, women's issues and more. For more information on her retreats and seminars please contact her at (816) 251-3599 or (816) 304-3044 or by e-mail at Revtboehm@aol.com. Copyright (c) 2002 Toni Boehm |
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