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What is Real Spirituality? by Kristin Radtke One of my absolute favorite books is The Blue Castle, by Lucy Maud Montgomery. The book's main character is Valancy, a shrunken little spinster living in her imagination in order to compensate for the dreariness of her reality -- and her fear of changing it. One day, Valancy mistakenly receives a letter from her doctor telling her that she's only got a year to live. She decided right then and there that from that point on, she will live life on her own terms. "I've been trying to please other people all my life and failed," she said. "After this I shall please myself. I shall never pretend anything again. I've breathed an atmosphere of fibs and pretences and evasions all my life. What a luxury it will be to tell the truth!" The rest of the book chronicles her adventures as she stares fear in the face and lives life from her own wisdom and truth, even when family members think she's gone insane after hearing what she really thinks of them. Is this real spirituality? Is this selfishness or authentic-self-ness? Is bluntness and calling a spade a spade something of the realm of God? I say it is. I'm on the side of whoever said that that which is disowned wreaks havoc in our lives. Even sweet little ol' Jesus didn't live his life isolated and holier than thou. He hung out with the sinners of the day, told those Pharisees where to stick it, bitched at the money-changers in the temple, and said, "I did not come to bring peace but a sword." Time and time again, I witness the struggle between saying what we really want to say, and "making nice." Prolonging things until they reach a point of sink or swim. Stretching life situations past their freshness date. And if you're anything like me, there will be moments when you'll rehash a past experience over and over, thinking of what you really wanted to say, but didn't. Wouldn't things in our lives go much more smoothly and efficiently if we would all just say what we really think and feel, when we feel it, instead of hemming and hawing so much. You'd swear we were a nation of tailors from Arkansas?? Hey! Ouch! No! Hello! Yes, I am another human being with boundaries, feelings, and opinions here, thank you very much! Yet, every once in a while, I find myself caught in a grip of do-gooding. There's a part of me that persists in thinking that "real" spiritual people are supposed to get up, thank God, the Universe, Santa Claus, and that ol' Higher Power for yet another day, affirm and affirm until we could kill a diabetic with our sugar-coated thoughts, love our neighbor and love ourselves, and not flick someone the bird when they've just cut us off on the freeway. I'll want to change the world single-handedly and inspire every living soul on this planet. I will leap mountains with a single bound! I will have no attachments and absolutely no needs! And I also make a fabulous cheesecake that's low in fat! Come on, you know how this feels. It's ego-riffic -- and it's exhausting. By the time this feeling passes, I'm usually under the covers with a few SnackWells, thinking about how far away it is to the fridge to get more, let alone the distance towards saving the world. I know deep inside myself that being realistic about what I can do will always prevail in the end. That in my little corner of the world, the true spiritual people are crusty, blunt and have a few callouses. And this is my direct route to connecting with my authentic self. It's an irony that whenever you accept what you have previously disowned, it loses its power over you. Now, I'm not a guru. I don't have a clue what will get you in touch with your truest self. Maybe you really do need to think a few loving thoughts. Or light a penny candle, reading a little Maeve Binchy and plotting an escape to the Emerald Isle. Maybe you need to get out and blow some cash at the local fancy-schmancy ristorante, busting that poverty consciousness in two and jacking up your self-esteem. For me, blatant honesty is Step Number One, getting me in touch with my soul and leading me towards what to do about what I feel, think, believe and need. Like Valancy said, telling the truth is a great luxury. Luxury in life is really about being honest with yourself about what, who, where and when is right for you. It's about taking that seriously enough to bring it into your daily life. It's about honoring yourself and treating yourself as the important person that you are, in whatever way makes you satisfied down deep, knowing you can sleep at night with the reassurance that you haven't left your soul in the car. Kristin Radtke is a writer and artist living in Wisconsin. Contact her at dancingqueen55102@yahoo.com. Copyright © 2001 Kristin Radtke |
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