EXPRESSION | SPIRITUALITY IN THE ARTS The Man of Sorrows by Gloria Davis Rocked gently in the warmth Of the waters Nourished by the rhythm of her heart Held in a place Of warmth, safety and peace The Birth: A process gone awry The giver became The taker Without enmeshment There was no identity. Maternal love obliterated By narcissistic demands No light at the end of that dark tunnel Love does not welcome his birth. Held to her breast She turns from him As a kiss gone sour. His little hands grope But do not find the softness. Where is the breast that can suckle Her manchild? The steady rhythm, Her heart connected To his own Is gone. And thus delivered To an empty tomb He is buried alive No one to hear his cries. As he gropes. Hunger ravages him His eager mouth sucking, searching Never satiated By the coldness Of that manufactured substitute And always, it will be A substitute. Thrust into darkness Spirit crushed Moving into entropy He holds himself and rocks Engulfed by emptiness He studies a thousand faces Leans against a hundred breasts But never does he hear The familiar beat of her heart. The mind dissociates The heart grows cold Manchild Wounded from birth Is cast into the abyss And so begins A crazy re enactment Labor pains The tumultuous journey Replayed over and over again. Seeking the breast that never nourishes. Alone he grew Alone he entered manhood Crazy laughter, Crazy jokes Booze No, he would be more. He would be the man of steel His quick wit Sudden anger Passionate love Swashbuckling ways Would surround him with women, His playthings But shuffling he walked The man of sorrows Head down Eyes not meeting Slow sluggish steps Sent his apology to the world He wrapped himself in softness And embraced causes Fighting for women who had not known Gentleness and love. All the while searching their faces For the one which speaks Of mother There were moments Bright flickers of light in a night sky In which he stepped tentatively Toward some perceived notion That here is motherhood Restored, returned That his birth was not a mistake Faintly it came The familiar odor Memories mingled with hope Impulsively he ran to her And in joy relaxed his weight into her arms For a moment transported To heaven Distracted, angry, too busy Good became Evil. Releasing her embrace He fell again, Into the abyss Alone and in pain He vowed to win her love But the devil stood to face him With outstretched arms He blocked the door. In terror he shrunk back Cursing and beating at the dark walls That encased his self. In that lonely space He cursed the day he was born Begging to return again To the darkness of the tunnel The journey home A voice Soft melodic Breaks his reverie Mother Goddess "Come My child." Arising, he followed Screaming in terror As his journey became More and more treacherous She lead him to a bridge There...lightening Deafening thunder. He clutched her hand As the support collapsed behind them. Frantic searching, ever seeking. Always vigilant, ever helpful He had commended himself On his survival; Denial, detachment, and scorn Had been his armor. Addiction expressed his terrors Abuse mirrored his rage Those were the structures That had supported him. Had held him above the fears That would drown him. And now, they were gone Torn from him In an act of reckless trust He must leap the gap As the earth crumbles away Behind him. He cannot return. But holds the hand That guides him in the storm She would lead him To the healing waters. The other side A sudden calm Green grass; meadow flowers Bird song Butterflies as free spirits A haunting melody that calls him To an unmarked path Serene, a blue-green mountain lake Fed by a deep mineral spring It's warm buoyancy An amniotic fluid Mother Goddess spoke again "My child Let me hold you Until you surrender To the warmth Of the water Trust Trust Once more give voice to hope Allow it to replay upon your senses" "As I cradle your head in my hands Lay your cheek Against my breast Until your heartbeat Matches my own" Rebirth Her fingers run through his hair. Quietly stroking, She sings silly love songs A moment of silence A cloud passes And then light Welcome my son You are free. Dance freely and lightly In the unchained melodies of life Play in the meadow I shall be here always To hold you, nourish you, love you Soft laughter It's echo raucous, explosive. Nature joined in the moment of celebration. In warmth, peace and safety. The man of sorrows Stands proud. SEPT 2001