|
INSIGHT | COLUMNS & GUIDANCE Parenting With Presence Enlightened Parenting | by Angie Bailey Buddhist teacher Jack Kornfield said, "The quality of presence determines the quality of life." I am absolutely convinced the statement is true, however, I continue to struggle with the chattering monkey in my head. What is it about presence that is so challenging for many of us? How many times have I been on the receiving end of a story from my children or husband and been thinking about checking my e-mail? How often have I been working at the computer and completely lost focus as I am drawn to the sounds of my family upstairs? Even now, as I write this article, I am thinking about how much time I have until I need to shift into Mom-mode. It's interesting to observe the choices I make with my thoughts. Yes -- they are choices. I can choose to be present with whatever I am doing, but for some reason, I choose otherwise sometimes. When we are not mindful in our everyday interactions and activities, I believe we lose out on so much of the delight in just embracing each moment as it presents itself. As a parent, this is especially important. We want to savor each moment with our children, lest we look back in regret later in the journey. Taming the chattering monkey is possible. We can choose to pursue lessons in mindfulness in simple ways. Daily grounding Developing a morning ritual has been my most significant lesson in mindfulness. I've found that the serenity of daybreak, before anyone else is awake, offers me the time for daily grounding. After rising, I gently awaken my body with some simple yoga stretches, then move to 10-15 minutes of meditation and wrap it up with about 15 minutes of reading. I can do all of this in as little as 30 minutes or stretch it to an hour, depending on my schedule that morning. But I make every effort to honor the time to nurture myself. A book that I have found particularly wonderful for morning reading is Raising Children One Day at a Time! by Thomas Wright. This book is set up in a one-page meditation-a-day format that makes for a quick dose of daily parental inspiration. The affirming language and heart-centered topics include cooperation, forgiveness, monitoring media, facing fears and spirituality. Each day's thought is then closed with an affirmation related to the topic. As a parent, I would certainly recommend this book as a resource for early morning reading. The morning routine can include anything that feeds the soul -- perhaps journaling or affirmations -- whatever your spirit needs to feel ready for the day. When my family is awake, I am ready to be present to them. My mind is clear and focused in positive directions. When I do not create this time for myself, I feel the difference throughout my day. I tend to feel a little agitated, less patient and my thoughts are not as positive. This affects not only me, but everyone in my life. As a parent and partner, I know that my daily grounding is one thing I can do to contribute a loving presence to my family. It's invaluable. Practice presence The mind holds great power and I believe our will and our ability to choose our thoughts can help us to remain present, even when we feel the most fragmented. Our family is in the process of selling our house and moving to a different part of town. This is a positive move, as my husband accepted a fantastic, new job. Whatever the circumstances of the move, it still feels like a stressful time for our family. Due to my wandering mind, I am having difficulty focusing on my children and my work. This is an excellent opportunity for me to practice mindfulness. Here's my process:
|
|
|
Sept 2001 |
|
